Paterno, Bowden older, not dumber

Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden are 1-2 all-time for Division I-A coaching victories in college football. Paterno has 379 career wins, Bowden 377. Yet the only numbers these longtime icons hear of late are their ages.

Paterno is 81, Bowden is 78.

At Penn State and Florida State, many want to make sure their coaching legends are 86-ed before they’re 86.

Let me state, as eloquently as I can, my case in defense of Paterno and Bowden:

Lay off, you punks.

I was young for a while and eventually I might be old for a while. As you go from here to there, I’ve noticed that someone’s usually in a rush to get rid of you. It’s always, “Throw out the guy with perspective and experience, bring in the guy with the hot wife!”

And it’s worse in sports: You work in a fish bowl for all to see and even if you win for 10 years, the moment you lose two straight, there are whispers that it’s time for change.

Here is Paterno’s ledger: Career record of 379-125-3, with two national titles. He had one losing season in his first 34 years at Penn State. He then had a rough stretch, with four losing years in five between 2000-04, but the Nittany Lions are 36-9 since.

Here is Bowden’s ledger: Career record of 377-120-4, with two national titles. He was 5-6 his first year at Florida State, in 1976, and since has 31 straight winning seasons. From 1987 to 2000, he was 10-2 or better every season; he’s taken the Seminoles to a bowl game every year since 1981.

Yeah, it’s time to bring in someone who knows what he’s doing in Happy Valley and Tallahassee.

Have these gents lost a step? Perhaps. But if you do the heavy lifting that long that well, you should be able to stumble about a bit without losing your parking space.

(I do feel bad for Florida State’s designated head-coach-to-be, Jimbo Fisher. He’s Raul Castro waiting for Fidel to run out of cigars. But, hey, Jimbo, Raul finally made it to the palace! P.S. Psst, Raul, if you want to resuscitate the Cuban economy, I’ve got two words for you: Slot machines.)

Besides, we have to end this thoroughly modern sensibility to shove aside our most precious human resources as they age.

What, you think Isaac Newton suddenly got stupid at 80?

Benjamin Franklin gave great public service deep into his 70s. Verdi composed wonderful music into his 80s. Titian painted skillfully into his 90s.

I anticipate Madonna, if allowed, will be undressing on stage well into her AARP years.

Outside of sports, these days there are many octogenarian types outdistancing the younger set:

Robert Mugabe, 84, still governing; Warren Buffett, 78, still investing; Sumner Redstone, 85, still corporate raiding; Rupert Murdoch, 77, still media-moguling; Jack LaLanne, 94, still exercising; Hugh Hefner, 82, still walking into the Mansion with a twin on each arm.

Paterno has been hobbled by a hip injury, forcing him to coach from the press box the past two games. He got hurt demonstrating an onside kick – the Nittany Lions must have 32 assistant coaches; they can’t afford an onside kick coordinator? – at practice.

(By the way, you don’t need to be on the field to run things. You think Henry Ford rolled up his sleeves on the old Model T assembly line? No. He was in the executive dining room enjoying pheasant under glass.)

But Paterno and Bowden seem as spry as ever in 2008; Penn State is 7-0, Florida State is 4-1. Still, critics abound. Mostly, detractors just think Paterno and Bowden are, well, too old.

With advancing age, though, comes unmatched wisdom.

For example, my father is 82. When CVS is selling, say, Arrid Extra Dry antiperspirant at $1.19 – limit two per customer – he knows to go there early. He buys two, takes them out to the car, then comes back in and buys two more, then takes them out to the car, then comes in again to buy another two.

Why would I ever fire this man as my dad? He is smart, in shape and way ahead of the game – like Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Why can tennis resolve a player’s challenge in 10 seconds yet the NFL takes four commercials, six replay angles and an official explanation that often goes against the TV commentator’s opinion? (Maurice E. Corbin III; Columbia Station, Ohio)

A. If you considered a simple premise – replay was not concocted to get the call right, it was concocted to create more ad time – you would withdraw your question.

Q. Now that he’s through steering the Detroit Lions to a 31-84 record, what do you think Matt Millen does on Sundays? (Michael Schmidt; Spokane)

A. I assume he’s watching his fantasy picks tank.

Q. The tradition of the Stanley Cup is that it’s never owned by any one team, just held from year to year by the current champion. Do you have a similar tradition with your wife’s wedding ring?

(Steven L. Winn, Spring, Texas)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.