September 29, 2008 in Features

The Slice: Freeze button gives you the cold shoulder

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Certain advances in television technology have been a boon to passive-aggressive types.

Now, by simply pressing a button on the remote and affecting a put-upon look, they can express displeasure by freezing a program on the screen if anyone else in the room should deign to utter a remark or ask a question during a sacred viewing session.

It’s a charming little gesture that says, “Living with you people is such a burden.”

I’d suggest a few things you could say to the program-freezer. But you probably have your own ideas.

He knows it’s harsh: But Gary Christopher of Silverton, Idaho, wonders if anyone else has secretly hoped that certain establishments would go out of business just so their awful TV commercials would stop airing.

Turning on the heat: Carol Snyder said her husband probably will be the last person around here to do so. “He probably won’t even do that until the temperature outside hits 40 degrees.”

It’s not that he’s worried about the heating bill, she said. It’s just that, well, “The perfect temperature for him is below 60 degrees.”

Carol has been known to wear a made-for-skiing stocking cap to bed.

That’s for when flannel pajamas and furry socks aren’t enough.

Carol works for the American Cancer Society in Spokane. If you see her today, ask her to tell you what the toilet seats feel like in her chilly home.

Mark Augenstine could relate. He said his wife is the champion when it comes to not turning on the heat.

“No heat gets turned on until Nov. 1,” he wrote. “Then she will turn the heat up to 60 degrees.”

What gives?

“She says she is doing our part to save natural resources, and I say that we don’t have to save them all by ourselves. She says that is what they make long underwear, sweaters and blankets for. She also says that I am a weenie, and to suck it up.

“Sometimes I will invite company over just so the heat gets turned up higher.”

He could go on.

“One time the furnace burned out a coil and we had to use just the fireplace for heat. When we got up the next morning it was 38 degrees in the house and she says, ‘You know, this isn’t all that bad, maybe we don’t need to fix it right away.’ ”

Re: spider relocation programs: “Our house has always had a catch-and-release policy,” wrote Dana Eberly. “At any time, a call of ‘Bring me a spider cup!’ fetches a clear glass and a paper to slip under the edge. All spiders are given a ride outside, where they can eliminate the real pests.”

Today’s Slice question: Why do you deserve a handsome “The Spokesman-Review” cap?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. One way to make friends is to tell people who think they’ve just made an original observation, “Someone noted that in The Slice ages ago.”


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