April 28, 2009 in Features

Annie’s Mailbox: Cutting not healthy solution

Kathy Mitchell And Marcy Sugar
 

Dear Annie: I am 13 years old and the oldest of four children. Lately, things have gone downhill for me. My schoolwork load is horrible, and my parents put me down all the time. My 10-year-old sister is constantly coming into my room, breaking things and stealing money. I always tell my parents, but it backfires. I end up being the one in trouble.

I live two completely different lives. Energetic yet shy at school, and depressed and lonely at home. I have four very close friends who keep me going, although only one of them knows that I started cutting myself about a month ago. I can’t figure out what to do because I feel like I don’t belong in this body. It’s hard to explain, but nothing feels right.

I’m not a spoiled brat. I don’t have a cell phone and sit around texting all day. I get yelled at for everything I do. I try so hard not to cause problems for my parents, but they think I’m the most horrible kid there is. I know I shouldn’t be so dramatic, but it’s not a joke. I’m hurting. Please help me. – Unloved and Misplaced

Dear Unloved: It’s difficult to be the eldest because your parents expect more of you than your siblings. We’re sure they love you, but apparently they aren’t expressing it sufficiently. At 13, it also isn’t uncommon to feel displaced in your own body. Cutting yourself may temporarily relieve the stress or emotional pain, but it is not a healthy solution and can become habit-forming. Please talk to someone today – your school counselor, your parents, a favorite teacher or other trusted adult.

You are smart to recognize that you have a problem, but you need to work on less damaging ways to deal with your emotions.

Dear Annie: My husband of almost 40 years is a very private person, while I am outgoing and social. “Ralph” gets upset if I tell our friends what movie we saw, what restaurant we ate at or when we are going on vacation.

We live in a nice community and have lots of friends who love to get together. If Ralph is not with me and someone asks where he is, he gets furious if he finds out I answered them. I cannot tell people even the most trivial things about him. Seeking professional help is out of the question. What should I say when people ask harmless questions? – Stressed in Sarasota, Fla.

Dear Sarasota: Has Ralph always been like this? Some early-stage dementia manifests itself as mild paranoia. Suggest that he get a complete physical, and alert his doctor to the problem in advance. If, however, this has always been part of his personality, there’s not much you can do after 40 years. We’d ignore a lot of his objections, although we wouldn’t go out of our way to annoy him.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar are longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.


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