Wait out sad family situation

Dear Annie: Our son, “Luc,” has been married for 22 years, but the last two have been under the most trying circumstances. Luc’s marriage is a sham, and they are both at fault. He and my daughter-in-law are unhappy, but continue to live together for the sake of their two teenage children. Our daughter-in-law is a control freak and fiercely competitive. She lacks warmth, compassion, understanding and any appreciation of Luc’s qualities and needs. In turn, our son has developed a roving eye in an effort to make up for what is lacking within the marriage.

Matters came to a head two years ago when our daughter-in-law realized she had lost her husband’s affection. She wanted revenge and not only banished Luc to the basement, but blamed us for the failure of their marriage. She sent us a viciously worded e-mail to that effect, and anything we ever gave them was tossed or returned, including a family grand piano, which was a gift to our grandchildren.

For two years, our son and grandchildren have not been allowed to contact us. All cards and gifts are returned unopened. Luc communicates with us surreptitiously from his office, but otherwise, his hands are tied, as he wishes to protect his children from additional unpleasantness. They saw a marriage counselor, but his wife refuses to go back. This situation is breaking our hearts. What can we do? – Desperate Grandparents in Canada

Dear Grandparents: Not much. Your daughter-in-law already dislikes you, and any additional interference will only make things worse for your son. Since you are in touch with Luc, encourage him to continue with marriage counseling, with or without his wife, and be supportive of whatever choices he feels obligated to make. This type of situation is terribly sad, but not uncommon. We hope when the children are grown, things will change.