The Spokesman-Review

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Sky is reportedly falling

BREAKING NEWS! OMINOUS NEWSCAST ALARMS COMMUNITY!

Spokane County residents were unduly alarmed recently when local newshounds went on a weather rampage. Newscasters on local channels, and in conjunction with the emergency alert system, set off a near panic with their abundant predictions of horrendous weather-related havoc!

Local resident Henny Penny was seen scrambling for cover, and Goosey Loosey was forced to abandon her pond to seek shelter as well. Reporters dispatched to the furthest corners of the county were repeatedly consulted on camera and reported no lightning, no thunder, no wind and no rain! But viewers were reassured continually that the sky was absolutely going to fall!

At one point a fierce wind whipped up by the flapping gums of reporters and American Meteorological Association certified weather people actually did ruffle napkins set out earlier in the day by a South Hill resident planning a barbecue. The modest breeze was accompanied by a little spittle from these same reporters/weather forecasters’ panicked lips.

Tune in at 11, when we’ll hear a recap of the severe weather that was predicted and hopefully get information on just how much spittle we received!

Jeff Lilly

Clayton, Wash.



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