His infatuation puts marriage at risk

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I know in my heart he is faithful, but he recently started working with a female who is younger and very flirtatious, and I’m worried. Many of his co-workers say this woman cheats on her husband, and some think she and my husband are having an affair. He says they are just friends, but since they began working together, he has been less than truthful.

I found out this woman has been to our house when I’ve been out. They meet for lunch a few times a month, but he doesn’t take me out anymore. I have caught him texting, calling and e-mailing her. The few times I have met her, she’s made me feel awful. She won’t talk to me, focuses only on my husband and then tells him I’m not nice enough to him.

I have told my husband how inappropriate her behavior is, but he says it’s my imagination. He seems to be more concerned with her feelings than mine. We used to talk about everything, but now he hides things. Our sex life has taken a downturn. He says he just isn’t into sex anymore, but while cleaning, I found porn on his computer.

Is he having a midlife crisis or an emotional affair? Before her, our marriage was good. He always used to compliment me. Now he says after 10 years, he shouldn’t have to. But whenever he talks about her, he can’t say enough flattering things. When I try to talk about how this makes me feel, he gets mad and walks away. I have suggested marriage counseling, but he says there’s no need. How do I get him to see what is happening to us? – Dreamer

Dear Dreamer: Your husband is infatuated with this woman and believes he is keeping it a secret. Bringing her into your home crossed a line. Tell him the marriage is at risk and you would like him to go with you for counseling. If he refuses, go without him and figure out what your best course of action is.