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Doug Clark: Find your summertime fun score

Our lazy, hazy days of sunshine are dwindling faster than Ed McMahon’s comeback chances.

Too soon, leaves will fall, snow will pile and television news will air the same Freya hill fender-benders over and over and …

Before this happens, however, there is still time to ask: “Am I making the most of my Summer of 2009?”

To find out I have prepared the following Summer Fun Evaluation Quiz. Please pick the answers that come closest to describing your attitude and/or experiences. We’ll psychoanalyze your scores at the end of the test.

1. The recession forced me to stay closer to home, so I:

A. Spent quality time with friends and family. (3 points)

B. Watched a lot of reality TV. (5 points)

C. Achieved blowout savings with the East Sprague Cash for Hookers program. (10 points)

2. Select the answer that best describes your closest summer brush with danger.

A. Hit by a pitch. (3 points)

B. Hit up by a panhandler. (5 points)

C. Made the David Elton hit list. (10 points)

3. Pick the speed that best describes your summer pace.

A. 20 mph school zone. (3 points)

B. 70 mph freeway. (5 points)

C. Drag racing Spokane police Chief Anne Kirkpatrick on Upriver Drive. (10 points)

4. Which summer weekend getaway sounds ideal?

A. Watching a Mariners game in Seattle. (3 points)

B. Listening to the music festival in Sandpoint. (5 points)

C. Participating in a Grant County gang war. (10 points)

5. America commemorated several historic landmarks this summer. Pick your favorite.

A. The 1969 moon landing. (3 points)

B. The 40th anniversary of Woodstock. (5 points)

C. Barbara Lampert’s 60th run for office. (10 points)

6. Select the phrase that best describes your summer behavior.

A. Backyard green-thumb tomato farmer. (3 points)

B. Hawaiian shirt-wearing cocktail sipper. (5 points)

C. Pantsless Riverfront Park fountain dipper. (10 points)

7. Which Beatles song best describes your summer?

A. “Here Comes the Sun.” (3 points)

B. “Happiness is a Warm Gun.” (5 points)

C. “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” (10 points)

8. Despite the poor economy, Spokane’s summer 2009 was a lot happier thanks to:

A. The opening of new aquatics centers. (3 points)

B. The opening of medical marijuana shops. (5 points)

C. Barry Manilow’s concert canceled. (10 points)

OK. Let’s crunch the numbers.

A score of 30 or below means you are a safe-and-sane humorless bore whose idea of excitement is curling up on a couch and reading the Envision Spokane city bill of rights.

Scoring 40 to 70 shows there is still hope for you to make this the best damned summer ever.

And for those of you who scored 70 and above, congratulations! You are having the summertime of your life. Plus you’re quite likely psychotic.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at dougc@spokesman.com.


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