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Miss Manners: Not necessary to reveal wedding plans

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just got engaged, purposely have not told coworkers and don’t wear my (gorgeous) engagement ring to work. Why? I do not want nosey coworkers getting into my personal business. I work with a group of jealous, immature, bitter women who revel in gossiping about and tearing other people down because their lives are so miserable (failed marriages, unhappy households, financial troubles, problems with children, professional jealousy, etc.) and as such, do not share in your happiness.

Secondly, as I plan the wedding, I do not want my every move to be scrutinized and don’t want intentional interferences inflicted upon me by my malicious, narcissistic, envious, spiteful, childish boss (who sadistically delights in causing misery to others and has made attempts before to interfere with my personal plans out of pure jealousy).

In a nutshell, she is boss from Hell! There are some good things about her, but the bad far outweighs the good.

And finally, I do not plan to invite the boss (the thought of her being of part of my day makes me violently ill) but will invite only two people who I am close to from my immediate office (and are confidants of the boss).

I won’t reveal my wedding until maybe two to three months before the actual wedding date to avoid as much as possible the foreseeable drama that will follow (nosiness, fake friendliness from some seeking an invite, cold-shoulder from those that won’t be).

How do I handle nosey coworkers without going ballistic or telling them “to stay out of my business!!!!!!”? And am I committing suicide by not inviting my boss?

GENTLE READER: Being astute at picking up subtexts, Miss Manners senses that you do not find the ladies at your work place to be congenial. Just a guess.

Well, you are otherwise in luck, because you need not confide your wedding plans nor invite them to the wedding. Even if you had warmed up to them as far as indifference, you would be justified in omitting them. A wedding belongs in one’s private, not professional life, and should be discussed and enjoyed with your friends (even if also they happen to work alongside you) and relatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an issue with my daughter’s boyfriend, age 30, not saying hello when he enters my home. The other day he just walked in and stood there until someone (not me) greeted him.

He also has the habit of not saying goodbye when he leaves. I’ve asked him more than once to please say goodbye when he leaves (I have not mentioned about saying hello), so I know he is going or is gone. He occasionally says goodbye now but never hello.

GENTLE READER: You are not allowed to bring up your daughter’s beau, which is just as well, since you do not seem to be making a success of it.

However, you are allowed to egg her on to do so. Miss Manners wishes you luck.

Readers may write to Miss Manners at MissManners@ unitedmedia.com.


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