Kids feeling ill today? We probably know why

Slice-meister Paul Turner is taking some time off this month, but don’t despair: In his absence, we’re rerunning some of the tastier tidbits from this date in Slice history. Today’s sampling:

FROM 1998:

Parenting 101: It’s time to start getting ready to respond to a child saying “I’ve got a stomach ache, I don’t think I can go to school today.”

Here are just a few of the possible approaches:

“Join the club, pal. Get out of that bed.”

“That just means you’re normal.”

“Yeah, well I’m sure your teachers have stomach aches, too.”

“OK. We’ll go get a blood workup when you get home from school.”

“They had stomach aches on D-Day, too. Let’s go. Hit the beach.”

“I’ll make you a deal. If it turns out you’ve really got something and my making you go to school radically worsens your condition, you can hold it over my head forever. Meantime, let’s go. Cold cereal awaits.”

FROM 1996:

One reason living in the Northwest beats living in the Southwest: Less chance your cat will bring home a live lizard.

FROM 1994:

Overheard downtown (woman talking to a man on Sprague): “I’ve never done one selfish thing, but that’s going to change.”