Amateur work in ‘Transylmania’

“Transylmania” is a bad movie with a cast of no-names who hurl themselves at it as if it were auditions week at Juilliard. A graphic spoof of vampire thrillers and college-kids-in-Europe-in-jeopardy horror, it’s unfunny and out-of-step.

Ten college “types” set off for a semester of study at Romania’s Razvan University, which is actually a castle where coeds occasionally disappear. Might the vampires who once ruled the roost be to blame?

Razvan U. is run by a dwarf dean (David Steinberg) who has a humpbacked daughter (Irena A. Hoffman). She’s been sexting the virginal-but-on-the-make Rusty (Oren Skoog) after meeting on the Internet.

Rusty is a dead ringer for a long-dead (supposedly) vampire, which his classmates – the brainy one, the stoners, Mr. Bad-in-Bed, the sexpot, the good sister and bad sister, the hustler and ’70s hair – think is hilarious, until the real vamp wakes up and confusion ensues.

Directing brothers David and Scott Hillenbrand, veterans of a “National Lampoon Presents” direct-to-DVD, don’t make anything funny out of the script (too many characters, virtually no jokes) they were handed. Their direction is so paint-by-numbers that the only mystery is why it took two of them to shoot this.