The Slice: Talk about a frigid personality

The Slice interviewed the driver with the worst car heater/windshield defroster in the Inland Northwest.

You won’t believe what this individual had to say.

Q: So how do you know your car heater is the absolute worst in the Spokane area?

A: I never said it was. You did. But I doubt many other drivers have one that, when turned on full-blast at the warmest setting, actually makes the interior of the car colder.

Q: Have you tried to get it fixed?

A: Of course. But apparently demonic possession is involved. Either that or it’s the mechanical equivalent of a bad seed.

Q: Does it work at all? Can you hear anything when you turn it on?

A: Hear it? It sounds like a B-17 engine. So something’s happening. But it simply does not blow hot air nor does it defrost windows.

Q: Is it safe to drive when you can’t really see out?

A: Probably not. But I don’t text or talk on the phone while driving, so I figure it’s a wash.

Q: Will people ride with you when it’s really cold?

A: Just once. Passengers tend to use some pretty salty language. Friends call my car “The Igloo.” I prefer “The Character Builder.”

Q: Ever tried shouting at it like Ralphie’s dad yelled at the furnace in “A Christmas Story”?

A: Doesn’t help.

Q: So what do you do when driving, wear a parka and mountaineering gloves?

A: Yes. And I pretend that I am an old-time polar explorer driving my sled dogs on to fame and glory. Other times I imagine that I’m in Apollo 13 after they couldn’t use any power for heat.

Q: Ever thought about selling that car?

A: Plan to. I’m thinking next July might be the right time.

Today’s Slice questions: Ever had a car with a surrealistically faulty heater/defroster? How did it affect your quality of life?