The Slice: Feeling a little insecure?

Let’s get right to it.

Today’s Slice question: I’m not advocating paranoia. But the day before Pearl Harbor Day seems like a reasonable occasion for considering any suspicions or foreboding you might have. So what question should you be asking yourself today?

A) Am I about to get fired? B) Is my lover likely to sell his/her story to the tabloids? C) Should I have this mole checked?

D) If I leave home today, will I fall on an unseen patch of ice? E) What should I infer from the fact the guy handling my investments never calls me back? F) Is all the time I spend fretting about transportation alternatives a delusional waste of energy because Spokane is and always will be a get-out-of-my-way car culture?

G) Is an extended-family gathering at Christmas a good idea inasmuch as it has been amply demonstrated that several of us can’t stand each other? H) Why is there a Five Guys burger place in Missoula and not here? I) Should I be concerned that our new neighbors removed the address numbers from their house?

J) Are we ready for an extended power outage? K) Does our smoke detector work? L) Did our son infect the computer with a porn-spread virus?

M) Will there be another kidney stone? N) Time for a colonoscopy? O) Am I more like Darrin Stephens or Don Draper?

P) Have I stopped rocking? Q) Is my hairline running away from something? R) What do people I used to date think if they Google me?

S) Does the fact that I almost always initially type “Thaks” instead of “Thanks” suggest the presence of a tumor? T) How come I never get asked to be on a blue-ribbon commission? U) Is this what it feels like just before you need a root canal?

V) Will our pipes freeze? W) Does job performance praise carry an unspoken, inherent “For Spokane, anyway”? X) Will I ever be live and in HD? Y) Am I in denial about being in denial re: the chance of being burglarized? Z) Other.