December 15, 2009 in Features

Annie’s Mailbox: Inexperience is not a dealbreaker

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar
 

Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old female and a virgin, not because of any moral objections, but because I have had a hormone deficiency since I hit puberty.

I know guys are interested in me. I have always turned them down because I never had any desire for a physical relationship. However, I talked to my doctor and am now taking hormones to correct the problem.

I recently met someone who interests me. If I take it to a physically intimate level, should I say anything about my inexperience? I am afraid celibacy might make a more experienced person nervous or turned off. – Rather Embarrassed in Minnesota

Dear Minnesota: You are young enough that your status is not an issue. Many women your age and older are still virgins. More importantly, we guarantee men are not bothered by this, and in some instances, it will have the opposite effect. Most men like to believe they are your first. If you become intimate, it’s OK to say you don’t have prior experience. The guy will take it from there.

Dear Annie: You have printed many columns about men looking at porn. I am a marriage, relationship and sex coach. Men look at porn as a masturbation aid, and they use it primarily because women don’t fully take care of their sexual needs. Research indicates that 60 percent of wives have sex with their husbands on average once a week. For most men, this is a starvation diet.

Marriage implies a sexual relationship. Where is the love when a woman routinely denies a man the affection he needs? If a woman gave her man nurturing and lovemaking four times a week, it would amount to approximately 1 percent of her time and make the marriage bond stronger. – Sex Therapist

Dear Therapist: We agree that women should not simply deny their husbands sex, but to assume it’s mostly a matter of time management is a gross oversimplification, ignoring all the reasons why some women find it difficult to be intimate with any frequency. But yes, they should be willing to work on it.


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