The Slice: One lane, multiple personalities

This winter’s snow-narrowed streets taught us that there are a dozen distinct personality types in the Inland Northwest.

At least when it comes to sharing constricted roadways, that is.

Which of the following describes you?

1. Speed Racer: This driver seems to believe that the head-on right of way belongs to the motorist coming closest to breaking the sound barrier. Not a pure bully, but not exactly thoughtful.

2. They Call Me Bocephus: Usually has an oversized rig and expects you to get out of the way NOW. Not a pleasant person.

3. Shane: Also has an XL vehicle, but is gracious, mature and patient. Almost always gives you a wave and has a nice smile.

4. Here Comes Peter Cottontail: Cheerful but clueless, drives into tight spots without any regard for the laws of physics. Oblivious, not hot-tempered.

5. Enter the Dragon: Views mono-lane sidestreets as a chance to play chicken. Has anger issues.

6. Travis Bickle: “Are you lookin’ at me? You lookin’ at me? Well, I’m the only one here. You lookin’ at me?” Hostile nut job.

7. Larry Csonka: Hits the hole with straight-ahead power. Nothing fancy. But if you are thinking of getting in the way, well, good luck. Determined but not truly mean-spirited.

8. Her Royal Majesty: The idea of sharing space or taking turns going through an especially narrow stretch would not occur to her. You are a lowly peasant and it is your duty to get out of her way. Family members in other states dread her annual visits.

9. Psycho Killer: Thinks that shooting dirty looks at other motorists is the key to successful driving. Not even slightly assertive in person.

10. Well, I Never: Passive aggressive sender of mixed signals who secretly revels in taking offense at the unmitigated gall of other drivers. Cranks up a sarcastic tone and says, “Well, go right ahead, be my guest. Sheesh.”

11. Panzer: Seemingly intent on crushing anything that gets in the way, this motorist is the same person who refers to petroleum reserves in the Middle East as “our oil.”

12. Joe Spokane: Considerate, good-natured and reasonably patient, this driver understands that coping with narrowed roads requires a spirit of camaraderie and courtesy. Doesn’t view all strangers as enemies. Makes a good neighbor.

•Today’s Slice question: After having seen a reference to residents of a certain part of Spokane last week in The Slice, Luis Montano noted that “Hillyardite” sounds like a mineral specimen.

“If so, what are its characteristics?” he wondered.

That’s the question.

But don’t feel like you have to restrict yourself to just that one. If you have ideas about other Inland Northwest “minerals” and their distinctive properties, please share. Meadite? Haydenite? Colfaxite?