February 17, 2009 in Features

Dear Annie: You must leave dangerous situation

Kathy Mitchell And Marcy Sugar
 

Dear Annie: I’m 20 years old. My boyfriend and I have a 6-month-old baby boy. I used to be very independent. When I met “Jake,” he was 18, had never worked a day in his life and was a serious drug addict. I got him to stop doing drugs and he even got a job, although his hiring cost me my position.

We moved in together when I turned 18, and I discovered he’s extremely controlling. I used to have a ton of friends, and now I have none because Jake doesn’t like them. I can’t go out unless he goes out with me. I can’t talk to any guys because he’ll think I’m cheating on him.

Jake doesn’t want me to get a job, but he won’t buy things we need. I can’t have money unless he gives it to me, and then he grills me about how I spend it. He also kicks and pushes me. When he goes to work, he takes my son’s car seat so I can’t leave. He calls 10 times a day to check on me. One night we got into a fight, and I found a knife under the sofa cushion where he sits. I don’t know if it was for me.

Jake makes me angry and depressed. I want to get out, but it’s been three years since I’ve had a job and I’m not sure I can get another one. I have no money, my car is busted and now I have a baby to take care of. I love Jake, but I need to leave. How do I do it? – Lost and Helpless

Dear Lost: At your age, those three unemployed years won’t hurt you when you look for a job. More importantly, you and your son are in a dangerously abusive relationship, and you must get out immediately. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233) and ask for help. Do it today.

Dear Annie: You were off the mark with “Broke, Broken and Distrusting,” whose husband has been using his parents’ credit card and refuses to tell her why. You said he should be sharing the information with her, but since his parents are footing the bill, to leave it alone.

Annie, his parents could be helping him hide a gambling or drug problem or an affair. “Broke” has every right to know what her husband is spending money on no matter who is paying for it. – No Secrets

Dear No Secrets: You are right. Several readers mentioned the possibility that the in-laws are helping their son hide something detrimental to the marriage. We hope “Broke” can get to the bottom of it.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar are longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.


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