Parents debate decision of when is the right time to allow kids to stay by themselves

In the movie “Home Alone,” an 8-year-old manages to survive and defend himself against two intruders after his family accidentally leaves him behind on a Christmas trip to Paris. In real life, most parents don’t forget their children when they go on vacation, but at some point, many have to come to grips with the idea of leaving their kids home alone.

More than 14 million school-age kids – including about 40,000 kindergarteners – are on their own when classes end in the early afternoon, according to 2004 statistics from the Afterschool Alliance, a coalition of public, private and nonprofit groups committed to expanding resources for after-school programs.

In a report published in 2000, the U.S. Census Bureau found that about 7 million children ages 5 to 14 spent an average of six hours a week caring for themselves while their parents were at work or away for other reasons.

When is a child old enough to stay home alone? And how long should they be left without adult supervision?

Moms and dads and others recently weighed in on this issue through The Spokesman-Review’s parents’ blog ( www.spokesman.com/blogs/parents).

Some concluded that there is no magic age when children are old enough to take care of themselves, but parents should always consider the maturity level of their son or daughter, no matter how old they are. Parents also should prepare their kids to be on their own and take precautions in order to ensure their safety.

“This decision is a very personal one, which each family needs to make for themselves,” wrote one of the bloggers, who identified herself as a mother of four boys.

“If there is more than one child, how the kids interact with each other when no adult is watching and general tendencies to find trouble all come in to making the choice for your family.”

Most states, including Washington and Idaho, don’t have laws that specify an age in which a child can legally stay home alone.

Several organizations, including SAFE Kids USA, recommend that children shouldn’t be left unsupervised until they’re at least 12. But some parents say they feel comfortable allowing their 9- or 10-year-olds to spend a few hours by themselves as long as they stay within the confines of their homes.

Many preteens want independence and think they’re too old for a baby sitter. Other children have parents who work full time outside the home but are unable to afford child care.

Because of the economic crisis, experts say it’s possible that more kids are staying home alone these days while caring for younger siblings.

Even if a child seems mature enough to take care of himself or herself, some parents argue that coming home to an empty house isn’t good for kids. They get bored or spend too much time watching TV, they say.

Statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice and other agencies also show that the hours between 3 and 6 p.m. – from the end of the school day until dinner time – are the peak hours for juvenile crime.

“I find it interesting that society’s whims and parents’ justifications allow more kids and teens to be left on their own – especially all day during the summer,” wrote Cheryl.

“Please, parents, don’t think that because your child is able to make a peanut butter sandwich and tie their own shoes, they are responsible enough to be on their own for any length of time. …

“Teens especially need adult supervision. Pay a little extra during school vacations to make sure an adult is available to supervise. Big brothers and sisters should not be given the responsibility of raising younger children.”

But being a latchkey kid isn’t necessarily a negative experience. While some parents worry about leaving their youngsters unsupervised, others say spending a few hours alone after school or at other times can help teach children how to be self-sufficient and resourceful.

“Children, especially ’tweens and teens, need to learn independence,” wrote Shannon C.

“If they are constantly supervised, they will never learn to make important decisions on their own. They will not know how to be alone. And they will not have the skills to cope with mistakes if they were never allowed to make them on their own.”

One of the goals of parenting is to prepare children to be responsible, loving, productive and independent adults, she noted. Parents shouldn’t supervise their every move.

“In my opinion, giving kids a little freedom and a little responsibility sets them up to succeed, not fail,” she wrote.

Maturity is really the biggest factor in the decision-making process, noted several bloggers.

One mom, Jennine, wrote that she has allowed her children to stay home alone since they were 9 and 6 years old. She started by leaving them on their own for about half an hour while she ran to the store and then gradually increased the length of time to several hours.

Other families also recommended this approach to get kids accustomed to being by themselves and taking responsibility.

“I took the train alone with my brother (18 months older then me) from age 8 when we lived in Europe,” wrote Jaspenelle. “We walked to school alone before then. I believe they started leaving us alone when my brother was 8.

“I think it depends on the child. Some are able to take on responsibilities at a younger age.”

The decision to leave kids home alone is also easier nowadays since most families are equipped with cell phones, they wrote.

“Some parents just simply don’t have options and recently finding myself in that position, I am amazed at how able my kids really are when allowed to do things for themselves,” wrote one mom.

“I never would have imagined them shoveling snow and making dinner for me like they did last night.”