Arrow-right Camera
Subscribe now

This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

The Slice: Cardinal rule of social events; don’t be a loser

Less than a year before he moved his football team from St. Louis, I met Arizona Cardinals owner Bill Bidwill at a party.

But here’s the real reason I remember that gathering.

I wore a sport coat purchased specifically for the occasion. And, I discovered on my way home, I had left a big tag on one of the sleeves, almost Minnie Pearl-style.

OK, let’s hear your social-flub story.

•How many South Hill residents does it take to screw in a light bulb: “Just one,” said Andrew Swanson. “One to hold the bulb and think the rest of the world revolves around him or her.”

“Three,” said Holly Bickford. “One to do the job and two friends to go with her to Nordstrom’s to pick out the perfect outfit to do it in.”

“Two,” said Liz Cox. “One to screw it in and one to analyze the choice of a CFL bulb by asking if their friends will say it’s environmentally sensitive, archly ironic, or embarrassingly anachronistic for the architectural period of the house.”

John Petrofski said it just takes one. But first he has to get in his SUV and drive to a big-box store in another part of town, the kind he doesn’t want anywhere near his own neighborhood.

And another reader suggested it takes at least two, so there can be a debate about the appropriate manner in which to dispose of the old bulb.

•Meet me at the Crown & Marmot: If you opened a British-style pub here in the Inland Northwest, what would you call the place?

•Overhearing what you weren’t supposed to hear: “Just last week, I walked into a coffee house and recognized a prior (20 years ago) colleague,” wrote Rob Golden. “After greeting her, I sat several tables away.”

But he could still hear what she said to her friend: “Wow, he is so old! He used to be hot!”

Said Golden, “Maybe I’m just tepid now.”

•New cabinet posts: Racheal Slater would want to be Secretary of Sugar. “I could teach Obama’s kids where to hide their candy so that neither their parents nor the FBI could find their supply.”

Joan Jensen would like to be Secretary of Common Sense.

•The unlikeliest chant: Though too young to actually compete herself, a young girl in Sara Cochran’s family got into the spirit of game playing by cheering. One problem, though.

Apparently, she hadn’t quite grasped the pronunciation of “Yahtzee.” She kept saying, “Come on, Nazi! Come on, Nazi!”

•Today’s Slice question: Who phoned you Tuesday morning just as the new president was about to speak?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Please have your coupons out and ready to present to the cashier.

More from this author