Let’s talk about target marketing, shall we?
Long Beach Lodge, located – like the name says – right on the ocean in Tofino, British Columbia, submits, for your approval, the “Weather the Storm” package.
Herein, they guarantee no snow on the beach in hopes of enticing the winter-weary North Americans just south of them to cross the line.
How, you may ask, from high atop the snow still adorning your driveway, is this possible?
Nice as the idea may be, Long Beach Lodge does not, in fact, control the weather. So they’re hedging their bets a bit with this caveat: You get a second night for free if snow actually does meet sand.
In that unfortunate event, the resort bills itself as “one of the best places to experience the wildest West Coast storms.”
If hot drinks and overstuffed chairs before a stone fireplace will ease your pain, take a look at the Great Room practically oozing coziness at www.longbeachlodgeresort.com.
Package rates run from $189 a night with breakfast, a $50 dining credit each day and a complimentary glass of wine upon arrival.
For details, thaw your fingers out and dial (877) 844-7873 or visit the Web address.
The edge of passion
Hubba! Hubba! The Edgewater Hotel, located – like the name says – on Seattle’s Elliot Bay, launches its “Month of Love” lust fest Feb. 1.
The list of ribald packages starts with “a steamy overnight escape” they’re calling Get it On.
It’s meant to “ignite new sparks or rekindle old flames (be oh-so-careful of the fireplace in your room).”
To get the sparking and kindling under way, the package includes an “intimacy box” bursting with Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games, a Kama Sutra Weekender Kit, glow-in-the-dark erotic dice and chocolate body frosting, all garnished with a satin ribbon.
Oh, by the way, you also get accommodations for two and overnight valet parking for one vehicle. (That’s probably for making out in the garage.)
Rates start at $239 plus tax; make your reservations at (800) 624-0670 or www.edgewaterhotel.com.
Snuggle and Smooch throws hand-dipped chocolate strawberries and emollients for a “sensuous massage” onto the Get It On menu for $249 a night.
For Moet, Moonlight & Memories, the Bubbly Champagne package, they’ll bring a bottle to your room with souvenir champagne flutes and five “artisan” champagne truffles. Breakfast or Sunday brunch for two comes along, for a total of $296 and up.
I think I need a shower.
•Song and Dance with Lewis and Clark, Feb. 14, Great Falls. The Lewis and Clark National Historic Trail Interpretive Center will host presentations of early 19th century song and dance. (406-727-8733, www.fs.fed.us/r1/lewisclark/lcic)
•Astoria-Warrenton Crab and Seafood Festival, April 24-26. The Oregon Coast cities will serve up their traditional crab dinner, shrimp, salmon, oysters, halibut, clam chowder and more. Also on deck: craft beer, local wines, arts and crafts, and live music. ( www.oldoregon.com, 800-875-6807)