January 27, 2009 in Features

The Slice: Imagine the bounty when snow vanishes

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Here’s a question for those who have yards.

What do you expect to find when the snow is all gone?

A) A bundle of ballots from the Driscoll-Ahern race. B) Several newspapers from December. C) The lost treasure of the Selkirks. D) Half a ton of dog droppings. E) Jimmy Hoffa. F) Someone interested in any version of the top job with the health district. G) Sasquatch. H) That thing that goes on the what’s-it. I) Other.

•Social Flubs Department: “Some time ago, as a new member of a national accrediting agency for professional schools, I was eager to make a favorable impression on my new colleagues,” wrote MaryBelle Thompson of Hayden. “Speaking animatedly at lunch at the first meeting, my clip-on earring flew into a bowl of creamed soup.”

That’s one way to make a point.

“Pierced ears ensued,” said Thompson.

•Slice answers: The Rev. Chris Pollock’s British-style pub would be called The Sacristy. “Clergy discounts, of course,” she said.

Brad Waterbury had another idea. “First I’d put it right between City Hall and the newspaper office in order to attract city government people and their ‘friends’ the newspaper folk.” Then he’d call it The Cock and Bull.

Lan Hellie would name his pub The Bloody Wanker or The Limey Sod. “Either way it would feature punk rockers with those tall Mohawks.”

And Jim Allen might call his place The Beef & Pothole.

•Slice answer: Who phoned you last Tuesday just as the president was about to speak?

“How would I know?” wrote Ann Echegoyen. “You don’t think I answered it, do you?”

Kirk Wilbur’s story is different.

“I work until 2 a.m. at a bar downtown, and don’t get to sleep most mornings until about 4 a.m.,” he wrote. “I had no intentions of waking up at 8 to see the inaugural events and watch President Obama speak at 9. However, at about 8:45, my twin sister called me from Turkey. She was en route to her deployment in Kyrgyzstan from Ramstein AFB in Germany, and called to talk to me one more time before she got there. She was nervous.

“I hung up the phone fully awake and decided to watch the historic event instead of catching it later online.”

•Today’s Slice question: On what day will I start riding my bike to work again?

“Who cares?” is one possible answer. But I’ll send a coveted reporter’s notebook to the reader whose guess comes closest.

Keep in mind that even after the thaw/refreeze cycles are over, there’s apt to be sand, grime and debris on the streets that could push the date back.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. The movie “Office Space” is 10 years old this year and “The Jerk” is 30.


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