July 10, 2009 in Features

He’s still married, playing the field

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar
 

Dear Annie: I am a 60-year-old widow, dating a man I met on the Internet two years ago. We’ve had our ups and downs, but care deeply for each other. I spend most nights at his apartment. “Edmund” told me he was divorced twice. However, I have since discovered that he is separated from his second wife, not divorced. They have an excellent relationship and have dinner together once a week. He claims they never should have married in the first place.

Edmund says he is not the type to constantly tell a woman that he loves her, and he rarely says it to me. Recently, his computer had a virus, and when I went to fix it, his e-mails were opened. I was curious and read some of his messages and found out he had told his ex he hoped they’d get back together. He is also communicating with other women, telling them he loves them and wants to get together.

During one of the times we were apart, Edmund confessed to having female friends, but said they meant nothing to him. I have no problem with friends of the opposite sex, but if you have a steady girlfriend, shouldn’t the other women know about her? Otherwise, he is just setting up these women to be hurt. How should I approach him? – Unsure in Florida

Dear Unsure: Edmund has you and his not-quite-ex hovering around while he seduces other women. If you are looking for a future commitment, he is a poor risk. You are also technically dating a married man who doesn’t seem particularly interested in divorcing. Unless the two of you have an agreement to be exclusive, he will continue to play the field. (In fact, we suspect he’ll do it regardless.) Decide what you want from this relationship because emotional and physical fidelity aren’t likely to be part of it.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox @comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.


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