July 15, 2009 in Opinion

Smart Bombs: Definitely, do not pass go

By The Spokesman-Review
 

“You ready?”

“Yeah, but let’s take my car. It’s a hybrid.”

“You’re never going to get back your money at the gas pump.”

“That’s not the issue.”

“Oh yeah, global warming. Wanna borrow a sweater?”

“Cute. Where to? I was thinking we’d hit the sales at that store down the hill, but I hear they’re engaging in unfair labor practices.

“Whatever. Let’s go to the mall. Plenty of stores there, and we can walk from one to the other.”

“Ugh. Malls have sapped the soul of America while profiting from trashy trends and obesity-inducing fast-food.”

“Mmm … cheesy fries. Well, then how about the big box stores? Saw some smokin’ deals at …”

“Mom and pop killers! Plus, they’re destroying neighborhoods across the country.”

“Then how about a movie? Doesn’t Mel Gibson have one out now?”

“Anti-Semite! I think Alec Baldwin is in that new one about …”

“Flaming liberal! Hates America! Did he ever move to Canada after Bush was re-elected?”

“Look, maybe we ought to just grab some lunch. There’s a new place downtown.”

“Not a chance. I’m not about to enrich the Cowles Gang and further its liberal agenda.”

“You mean conservative agenda.”

“Yeah, right. I have a friend with a diner in the Valley. Excellent chicken and burgers.”

“Free-range? Grass-fed?”

“Dear Lord.”

“Maybe we ought to just stay here, make some sandwiches and play a board game.”

“OK, I still have Monopoly.”

“Figures.”

Delayed Impartiality. On the first day of hearings for U.S. Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, U.S. Sens. Jon Kyl, R-Ariz., and Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., referred to another Hispanic judge, Richard Paez of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, as a model of impartiality. The idea, of course, was to imply that Sotomayor didn’t measure up.

Kate Klonick, at the Devil’s Advocate blog, remembered that Paez had to wait a record 1,506 days (more than four years) before being confirmed as a federal judge in 2000. The holdup? Many senators criticized him for “judicial activism,” including Kyl and Sessions, who both voted against him.

Clarification. In Sunday’s column, I noted how much Washington state employees pay on average for their health care costs. That percentage rises significantly when state workers retire.

Smart Bombs is written by Associate Editor Gary Crooks and appears Wednesdays and Sundays on the Opinion page. Crooks can be reached at garyc@spokesman.com or at (509) 459-5026.


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