Here’s a legacy not worth treasuring
You know those toxic assets derived from those irresponsible, er, subprime loans that Wall Street hid, er, bundled into complicated investment clunkers, er, vehicles? Well, the feds call those “legacy assets.”
Gosh, who would be afraid of that? Apparently, just about everyone, because the U.S. Treasury Department is pressing forward with plans to help banks dump this junk, despite positive earnings reports from financial institutions.
Maybe the U.S. Energy Department could help move that toxic stew bubbling beneath Hanford Nuclear Reservation by calling it legacy liquid. Or, when the bank calls about your outstanding loan balance, you can thank them for the compliment: “Just building a legacy here.”
Health care exceptions. On just about any other issue, you can count on conservatives to propose running government like a business. But not health care.
Bargaining for lower prescription prices? No, that’s an assault on drug companies. Rein in Medicare spending to help pay for universal care? No, need to increase reimbursements to doctors and hospitals. Introducing more insurance competition with a public option? Unfair. Using cost-benefit analyses and comparative effective research to bring down costs? No, that’s an offensive intrusion into the practice of medicine.
The medical mall. So how do free marketers – who see health care as just another product – propose to bring down costs? Have patients go shopping!
Yes, with their vast medical knowledge with which to second-guess doctors, patients can drive down costs by bartering. In response, doctors could respond by hawking their services.
“Come on down to the Cardiac Barn. Bring in any quote for heart surgery and we’ll beat it. This week’s special is two stents for the price of one. And remember, folks, all of our procedures come with a lifetime guarantee. How do we do it? Volume! Volume! Volume!”
Tin foil alert! So NASA lost the original footage from the moon landing, eh? Maybe it’s because IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! This is one giant leap for conspiracy theorists. Not that they needed the help.