Tell friend she’s being unkind

Dear Annie: I am 15 years old and in the 10th grade. I have two best friends. One of them, “Alyssa,” is a gorgeous and nice girl with few flaws. She’s the one the guys always fall for. But she randomly ignores me or seems really mad at me, especially in the morning. In the afternoon, things are fine.

She treats our other best friend great all the time, so I guess it’s just me. I don’t get it. Our other friend has noticed it, too, and doesn’t think it’s right.

I really don’t want to lose Alyssa as a best friend, but I don’t know what to do except confront her and I’d rather not. I could use some advice. – Hurting BFF

Dear Hurting: Confrontation often indicates speaking with anger. But you can talk to Alyssa in a civil tone, with consideration, and simply tell her how much it hurts when she treats you unkindly. Ask if there is something you can do to repair the damage that is happening to your friendship. She may deny behaving this way, but it will get her to pay more attention and allow you to remind her gently when she does it again.

Dear Annie: I’ve been married 28 years, and our kids are grown and out of the house. In the past few years, sex has been great, but my husband has begun asking me to do different things in the bedroom. So I looked at his Internet searches and discovered he’s been looking at porn nearly every day. Is this what most men do? – Flustered Wife

Dear Flustered: Ah, well, probably. Not all men, mind you. In most instances, it’s within normal male behavior.

However, here are some signs that it’s a problem: Your husband would rather be online than with you; he begins a cyber-affair; he spends more than your budget can afford on porn sites; he asks you to perform in the bedroom in ways that are degrading or dangerous; his expectations of your sexual life and behavior are unrealistic, overly fantasized or borderline abusive.