Doug Clark: Bustin’ rhymes an’ doin’ time at City Hall

Who knew?

Who knew that when Spokane elected a mayor we also got a rapper?

By now everybody around here has heard about the rap Mayor Mary Verner performed during a concert with 19-year-old Josh Ogle, aka Gasmasq.

A YouTube video of the duet has brought a measure of unexpected fame to our 52-year-old mayor.

But I see this as only the beginning.

Soon Verner will be rolling around town with an entourage, wearing bling and flashing a mouthful of jewel-encrusted teeth.

All she needs is more material.

Which is why, as a public service, I have composed a civic rap for the mayor. If she doesn’t perform it, however, I may have to record it soon under my own rap star alias, Doogie Phresh.

Until then go ahead and enjoy …

The Spokane Rap

Mayor V’s in the house

Still bringing the beats.

As the leader of the city

With the messed-up streets.

The river’s mighty pretty

Though a little bit rank.

You’d be better off swimming

In a septic tank.

We got crazy services

Like when you call a cop,

He might sex you up

In a tavern parking lot.

What’s a mayor gonna do

To put her burg on the map?

Let me bust a few rhymes

I call the Spokane Rap.

 

The broken boulevards

Are lookin’ woebegone.

Got potholes bigger

Than Lake Huron.

Like a roach commercial

You may have heard about –

Cars check in,

Don’t check out.

The market’s gone to hell.

Everybody’s in a daze.

Like the suckers who fell

For the condo craze.

They’re still livin’ downtown

But now they earn their pay,

Bumming change with other losers

At the STA.

 

I’m the main lion tamer

In the council chambers.

Joe, Bob, Steve, Al,

(And some other no-namers).

See how they jump

When I crack the whip.

They know Mayor V

Don’t take no lip.

Yo, I ain’t braggin’,

I know what I got.

I’m bringing the heat.

I’m Sharon Stone hot!

So don’t tell me

Spokane’s in the crapper.

I’m way too busy

As a full-time rapper!