The Slice: Maybe it’s the only look that he has

I know something about questions.

And I can tell you the one that’s frequently on the minds of many Spokane-area residents when they venture out of the home: “Why is that person giving me a dirty look?”

Well, here are a few theories. See if any of these seem plausible.

That person…

30. Is threatened by the fact that your vehicle isn’t as big as his.

29. Assumes you drink imported beer.

28. Thinks you are the one who started that brawl at the Bach festival.

27. Has mistaken you for a sex offender or an HD TV reporter.

26. Estimates that you make $80,000 and is jealous.

25. Was offended by your “I Support the Right to Arm Bears” bumper-sticker.

24. Thinks you are the one who stepped on his heel at Bloomsday 2003.

23. Blames you for KXLY’s Mary Nam moving to Seattle.

22. Thinks you are the ref who ruled that the clock had run out in the 1998 Rose Bowl.

21. Believes he recognizes you and doesn’t like something you wrote in your column.

20. Hates you because you’re beautiful.

19. Is an angry nutjob who always has a dyspeptic expression.

18. Has never come in contact with fluoride and currently has a toothache.

17. Saw you scratch your chin and thinks you flipped her off.

16. Is the guy you elbowed in the eye at Hoopfest.

15. Suspects that you want religion kept out of public schools.

14. Thinks you believe that contemporary country music all sounds the same.

13. Resents your hat.

12. Has a hunch that you think you’re better than everybody else.

11. Thinks you are to blame for Thudpucker’s closing.

10. Didn’t care for your recent man-on-the-street answer in The Inlander.

9. Is certain you are the one who blackballed his Spokane Club membership.

8. Wants to deflect blame for that smell.

7. Has you pegged as an agent of change.

6. Believes you are hogging the grocery aisle, even though you aren’t.

5. Remembers how you hurried past her booth at ArtFest.

4. Thinks you are the one who anonymously called him a weenie on his blog.

3. Doesn’t like your “Spokan’t” sweatshirt.

2. Has decided that, because of your hairstyle, you are not a true patriot.

1. Has a lousy life and is giving you a dirty look because you’re there.

•Today’s Slice question: How many of your neighbors do you know?