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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Annie’s Mailbox: Hot-tub user naked to world

Kathy Mitchell And Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am 23 years old and a virgin. I have never seen a naked man in my life because I believe virginity should be kept until marriage. The other day I went with my sister to watch my nephew’s baseball game. He plays on a field that is uphill, so you can see the backyards of some of the houses across the street. My nephew had heard from his friends that one of the men in those yards sits naked in his hot tub. I always assumed this wasn’t true.

When I got to the game, I instantly remembered those rumors. I didn’t intend to be a Peeping Tom, but I looked around and saw a man in a hot tub. I assumed this was the guy, so I kept watching. Five minutes later, he got out of the hot tub and really was naked. I instantly got a headache and my eyes burned. I want to do something to prevent children from seeing him. I know he was in his own backyard, but you could see him clearly from the field. Would that count as public nudity? Do you think I should report him? – Scarred for Life

Dear Scarred: We’re sure glad you didn’t go blind. For someone claiming not to be a Peeping Tom, you certainly expended a lot of energy trying to catch a glimpse of this naked man. If he is hot-tubbing on his own property and taking appropriate precautions to be discreet, it is not public nudity. Unless, of course, he does the hot-tub routine only during games, in which case there is some exhibitionism going on. If you think this is traumatizing the Little Leaguers, you can mention it to one of the parents.

Dear Annie: My husband yells and screams at me constantly. I have begged him over and over to resolve our differences after our children are in bed. He won’t.

My oldest daughter is 5, and I am starting to see the effects. I know you are going to suggest counseling, and he has seen a counselor, but he doesn’t realize the impact his rage has on our children. Please tell me what this will do to my kids’ personalities. – Worried in Tulsa

Dear Tulsa: It depends on the child, but regardless, it won’t be good. When faced with an angry, out-of-control parent, some children retreat and become timid, socially awkward and afraid to form relationships. Others act out and become violent. Children often repeat their parents’ behavior into adulthood, with the sons raging at their wives and the daughters being attracted to men who abuse them.

Your husband has a serious anger problem and needs to get it under control. Aside from counseling, suggest he see his doctor for a complete physical and a depression screening. Sometimes these problems have an underlying medical cause. In the meantime, understand that this is emotional and verbal abuse. The entire family could benefit from counseling.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar are longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.