Midlife women deserve second look

When I was younger, I heard that women after the age of 50 become invisible.

With retired wombs, women no longer dewy and glossy became sexless has-beens. Seen somehow only around their softening edges, out the corner of the eye, they quietly faded, dismissed as irrelevant.

Menopause was really “menace” – pause, a joke on and about women. Midlife men were distinguished, women extinguished.

In 1982, when bombshell actress Linda Evans turned 40, the culture buzzed over whether women that age could still be sex symbols.

How things have changed.

The “women become invisible” phrase popped into my mind as I watched the You Tube video of singer Susan Boyle, a contestant on Britain’s “Got Talent.” This quietly living small town “frump” revealed herself to be a saucy, high-spirited woman with a remarkable voice. The youthful audience and judges, scornful and incredulous as they waited for a good laugh, got a whopper of a surprise when this songbird let loose.

Susan seemed to speak for midlife women everywhere:

Don’t underestimate us. Ever.

Like Susan, I have many surprises left, ones even I myself don’t know about yet.

For me, turning 50 was amazing; no black balloons allowed. I was looking ahead. Feeling mystically freed, I navigated new internal and external courses that led me on some great adventures I could never have imagined.

I began writing for the paper and became a community activist; diagnosed with celiac disease, I went through a massive diet change and became a mentor for other celiacs; I copy edited a book now used in Ivy League schools and universities across the country; I began making eye-catching jewelry. Who knows what I’ll do next?

Equally profound and life changing has been recalibrating my viewpoints on all kinds of issues. Once I had answers about life neatly stacked like a deck of cards; now I find myself playing 52-card pickup, enjoying ambiguity and mystery … and new answers. I ponder who I am and wonder who I will be when I “grow up.” Sometimes I feel like a teen again, trying on new personas.

It makes me sad to hear midlife and older people say “In my day” or “In my time.” This is my day. This is my time. Tomorrow is also my time … and my possibility.

Midlife women are feisty, experimental and adventurous. Some do humanitarian work at home or in Third World countries. Others learn new skills or embellish talents neglected for decades. Some start new careers, enhance educations, do extreme sports, scale Mount Everest, become accomplished artists or mentors.

Some, however, struggle with physical limitations that prevent them from such exploration and development; or they must care for aging parents, or both. They bless others by being themselves – sacrificial, compassionate and strong. And many women creatively juggle difficult circumstances and opportunities together.

Our inner worlds are richer, too, regardless of limitations. We’ve learned a lot about life and its cycles. Having worked through a lot of youthful baggage, we have more peace and confidence. With hard-won perspective, we’re realistic about human foibles. While more tolerant and forgiving toward others and ourselves, we know our limits and enforce them.

Moving beyond fleeting trends, “fashion demands,” and others’ expectations for us, we can gracefully be who we are without apology or anxiety.

We can let our freak flags fly.

Like Susan Boyle, our exteriors can be deceiving. But we have songs for you, if you give us the chance. But we don’t require your permission – we’re going to sing anyway. Don’t mess with us. And don’t disregard us.

A British audience underestimated Susan Boyle, modest, never-kissed, dowdy cat-lover. But she pulled a mighty shocker.

We midlife women can rock your world, too.