November 2, 2009 in Features

Annie’s Mailbox: Your boyfriend is gay; romance over

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Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship because he’s at college, 2,000 miles away. We’ve been together for two years.

At first, everything was fine, but he soon became distant and unavailable to talk. I figured he just needed space. Whenever it bothered me, he would reassure me that nothing was wrong and swear he still loved me.

A week before I was scheduled to visit him, I became suspicious and snooped in his e-mail. I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I was desperate. I came across several male contacts that he met through Craigslist. The details of the e-mails, along with explicit photographs, made me realize that the love of my life was having a homosexual affair with a man he randomly chose online. I was shocked.

I asked my boyfriend to explain. I told him I loved him no matter what. After a few awkward moments of silence, he said he was just curious and that it would never happen again. I believed him.

I’ve always considered myself very open-minded, but I feel sick and disgusted whenever I imagine him with a man. I don’t like myself for it. I also don’t know what to do about my relationship. Please help. – Lost and Confused

Dear Lost: We suspect your boyfriend is gay and always has been. He waited until he was 2,000 miles away before he felt safe enough to do something about it. And he is likely to do it again. You should assure him that you care about him regardless of his sexual orientation, that he needs to be careful meeting strangers online and that you will always be his friend. But the romance is over, honey.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.

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