Annie’s Mailbox: 11-year-olds don’t send greeting cards

Dear Annie: My step-granddaughter, who is almost 11 years old, never calls her grandfather or me unless told to. “Bridget” is an only child of divorce. She has not seen her mother in four years. The girl and her father are presently living with my husband’s ex-wife in another city.

I love this child like she was my own granddaughter and tell her so often. Since she was born, she has been indulged by all of us. Bridget visits twice a year, and we buy her school clothes and other necessities, as well as many gifts. However, when she is not at our home, we rarely hear from her. We never receive thank-you notes or cards on Mother’s or Father’s Day, birthdays or Christmas. We even bought her thank-you notes with return address labels and stamps, but we’ve yet to receive one.

Bridget has called only once since she last visited us several months ago, and that was only because her father insisted. (He wanted to borrow money.) When we tried to converse with her, she gave yes or no answers, and it was apparent that she didn’t care to speak to either of us.

I would like to skip future presents and explain to Bridget that relationships are give and take, and that if she doesn’t think enough of us to call now and then, the gift giving is over. What do you say? – Taken for Granted

Dear Taken: Your expectations are wildly out of line. The girl is 11 years old and hasn’t been taught these things. Few children that age know how to conduct a phone conversation with adults, and none would think to purchase, address and mail a greeting card without the assistance of an adult. (And there’s no reason for her to send you Mother’s Day or Father’s Day cards.) It’s also possible your husband’s ex-wife is discouraging closer communication. It is inappropriate for you to determine the relationship between your husband and his granddaughter. Instead of punishing the child, teach her that showing consideration for others is important for her development as a thoughtful young person.