The Slice: You can’t rake all of them over the coals

A lot of Spokane residents claim to be 12-month backyard grillers, but not all follow through.

You know who you are.

Of course, not cooking out last winter might be excused. I mean, it’s kind of tough when your grill is so buried that you can’t even make out a bump in the snow anymore.

Alternatives to shaking hands: “For close friends, it’s the hip bump,” said Jim Parry. “For acquaintances and strangers, use the forearm bump.”

Jo Hartley recommends the beauty pageant wave.

Sandpoint’s Jennifer Greve on having red hair: “Con: People who call you ‘carrot top’ or ‘red’ think they are being clever. Pro: Everyone wants to be you. I can spot a dye job a mile away.”

G-rated cussing: Richard Bravinder’s wife, Yolanda, has been known to say, “Mother love a rubber duck!”

And Lisa Lasswell likes the Buddy the Elf line, “Son of a nutcracker!”

Things women talk about when they think no guys are listening: 1. The inexplicably imprecise targeting of male urinary streams. 2. Special rules for eating things that have fallen on the floor. 3. The worst deskmate of all time. 4. The horror of being married to someone who is already paying attention to NCAA basketball “bracketology.” 5. Experienced moments of grace. 6. The holidays groper in the extended family.

Asked and answered: Under what circumstances is it OK to lick the plate?

Chris DeForest would say it’s permissible when there’s still a sheen of maple syrup (the real stuff).

“Since we have two very observant small children, my solution is to take my plate around the corner, out of sight.”

Two and counting: Dorothy Talley has also slipped on a banana peel.

Today’s Slice question: How did you deal with an incessantly barking dog in your neighborhood?