The Slice: Don’t ignore the realities

The theoretical dinner party is a Spokane social staple.

Mulling the guest list, planning the menu and imagining the conversation are all time-honored steps leading up to the eventual decision to bag it.

Perhaps you are familiar with the expression, “We’d have to do a lot of cleaning up beforehand.”

Or, “Remember last time?”

In any event, the dream of hosting convivial home-based gatherings lives on. But The Slice worries that some of us have forgotten that there are key differences between imagined dinner parties and real ones. Here are just a few.

Imagined: Magical moments of bonding in the kitchen, sincere-sounding praise for your interior design scheme and spit-take funny stories over dessert.

Real: “I’m sorry. Do you have a toilet plunger?”

Imagined: You smile as you watch friends from different spheres of your life connect and enjoy one another’s company.

Real: You hear people who have just met compare notes on your personality quirks. “Oh, yeah, I know. He won’t shut up about that. And for God’s sake, don’t get him started on his bike riding.”

Imagined: Feeling encouraged and supported by a warm, good-hearted group of people, your most painfully shy friends relax and have a great time.

Real: Your guests assume the roles of predators and prey.

Imagined: You visualize your company achieving nirvana through the food.

Real: “This is, uh, interesting. Fish?”

Imagined: Clean-up is a time to bask in the afterglow and review the highlights.

Real: Haunting replays of things you wish you hadn’t said and finding hors d’oeuvres stuck behind cushions.

Today’s Slice question: What year was the zenith for office Christmas parties?