October 4, 2009 in City

Doug Clark: DSHS report on Paul escape an exercise in lameness

Doug Clark The Spokesman-Review

Tags: Phillip A. Paul

Friday found me in a downtown office watching state health officials unveil their report on how homicidal maniac Phillip A. Paul managed to escape two weeks ago while on a mental hospital outing to the Spokane County Interstate Fair.

Sure, I could have caught this yawn and phony show on the tube at home.

But I wanted to see if DSHS Secretary Susan Dreyfus was as uninspiring in the flesh as she is in high-def.

She is.

Dreyfus & Co. have been investigating Paul’s getaway for 15 days.

They came up with a decent timeline of events. They formed a new committee. Bureaucrats do love committees.

But other than CEO Hal Wilson falling on his sling blade, none of the nincompoops responsible for Paul’s vanishing act or the delayed call to the cops has been named. Discipline is pending.

Heck, Dreyfus admitted she didn’t even know if it would have been legal to search the red backpack that Paul took to the fair.

How lame can you get?

My review of this disaster wouldn’t take 15 days. It would take about 15 minutes once I got to Eastern State Hospital and called a staff meeting.

DOUG: “Thanks for coming. Now, please raise your right hand if you were in any way involved with the recent Paul fiasco.”

Hands shoot up.

DOUG: “OK. You’re fired. And you’re fired. And you’re fired. … Oh, and you over there hiding behind the lithium dispenser. Yeah, you’re fired, too.”

I’d have more heads rolling than Mel Gibson’s “Apocalypto.”

There’s also no answer on whether the state will reimburse Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich for the thousands spent on the Paul pursuit.

Speaking of reimbursement, I think the state mental health system should pay back all those credit card companies that Paul stiffed for more than $85,000.

How did Paul’s doctors not know about this?

Paul’s a psychotic who all but beheaded an elderly Sunnyside woman in 1987. He has no assets. His only income is a thousand bucks a month from Social Security. (That’s a sad commentary on our system all by itself.)

And despite all these drawbacks, Paul somehow gets a fistful of plastic and a whopping amount of credit.

No wonder the economy’s in the stink hole.

I’d like to know what Paul spent all his undeserved loot on.

I keep getting this sick feeling that Paul has a secret shed somewhere that he’s loaded from floor to rafters with dangerous sharp objects like the sickle that was protruding from his backpack when the law finally caught up with him.

Don’t you just love the way bureaucrats speak?

Dreyfus wouldn’t yell “Fire!” if flames were shooting out of her head.

Her term for the Paul mess: an “unfortunate incident.”

Unfortunate incident?

Getting a cold sore on prom night is an unfortunate incident.

A torrential rain on the Lilac Parade is an unfortunate incident.

Taking Freddy Krueger to the fair on Family Day and allowing him to scamper away?

Sorry, Susan. That is not an unfortunate incident.

That’s the new gold standard for brain flatulence.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at dougc@spokesman.com.

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Comments 07

Seven comments on this story so far. Add yours!

mono on October 04 at 9:07 a.m.
Here are the people who from DSHS Mental Health Division who are responsible but not held accountable in the miserable report on the so called investigation.

DOUG PORTER, 360-725-1867, portejd@dshs.wa.gov Porter is Assistant Secretary of DSHS responsible for mental health and state hospitals.

RiICHARD KELLOGG 360-902-0783, kellore@dshs.wa.gov Director of State Mental Hospitals. (Kellogg was former director of DSHS Mental Health and was fired in January.

DAVID WESTON 360-902-0782, westodb@dshs.wa.gov Weston is DSHS Mental Health Office Chief responsible for state hospitals.

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garfnagn on October 04 at 9:23 a.m.
Clark remains one of the dimmest bulbs of local newspaper columnists, certainly not a crop of particularly Mensa Society-ready writers to begin with.

Here, let me help, Dougie, (pats Doug on the head and hands him a grape Tootsie Pop) you suck on that while I explain.

Credit card companies can only blame themselves for whorish lending policies that let a mental hospital patient on SSI get cards. Blame those greed hogs for giving him cards.

Everything gets investigated, 15 days is remarkably short. Remember the Riverfront Park Square fiasco of your parent company there, Dougie? How long did that sucker take? Where's your outrage over city government malfeasance in that? Oh wait. Those were your bosses. Outrage doesn't work when it's served with extra hypocrisy, Dougie. I can't seem to recall any local incident in which the population got more screwed by government officials CYAing than the RPS hose job of the tax paying local city population.

(Wow, you ate that tootsie roll pop fast Doug! Here, before you try to answer, try this big chunk of Bazooka Joe gum.)

Anyhow, as to summarily firing everyone involved in any way shape or form - sure, that's how it's done in the real world. Thanks for that fine advice, Doug.

As to the whole incident, as much as it upsets you that this didn't end up in some head and limb-strewn field of carnage and mayhem with Paul standing and cackling holding his gore slimed scythe above his head, it didn't. You're overheated trite and clearly manufactured outrage is losing steam by the second. We've moved on and are comfortable letting investigation complete and, as much as it hammers away at your hot air blown glass bowl of I'M SO MAD, more staff will be disciplined, maybe even fired (I'm still holding to my prediction at least a program director gets the axe) and the larger study committee formed by DSHS will end up making thoughtful and searching recommendations that could lead to effective statutory and policy change lessening the probability this sort of unfortunate event ever reoccurs.

Yes, Dougie, that's how the grown ups work, how they fix things. Not my firing everyone in sight and creating a climate of punitive deterrence, heck, if that worked nobody would ever commit crimes, now would they, Dougers? No, big people analyze, assess, review, discuss, process, research and make recommendations. That's how problems actually get solved in the real world. Because, like it or not, Dougie, (wow, nice bubble!, it's a double!) we operate in a system of laws and rules and not just “Survival of the Douggest.”

But hey, Dougie, thanks for weighing in and all with your steaming gasbaggery and dredged up keyboarded *outrage*. I'm sure you feel better. But heck, next time just break out a Lego “Newspaper Toy Shop” and build something fun and easy that won't make you cry and break stuff. And don't fuss when Mom and Dad hide that collection of Halloween dvds that you keep sneaking down to your room to watch. I think they're scaring the heck out of you.

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PlanB on October 04 at 11:00 a.m.
Doug, golly gee thanks for the great advice! Firing everybody is sure to fix all these problems! But you aren't taking it far enough: I say include all fair workers, the people who man the food booths, the pigs and horses who conspired to not report the escape, everyone at Social Security, MySpace, credit card companies and the banks that own them, all state workers, all Judges… well how about just firing everyone in Washington state across the board immediately. They would then be required to apply for their own jobs and we could have the one and only Doug Clark make all hiring decisions and appoint people (perhaps yourself) to what were formerly elected positions.
It's ironic that you advocate so strongly for Otto Zehm, but not Phillip Paul. They are both mental health cases, but I suppose since one is a “homicidal maniac” and the other was a cute retarded janitor it's easy to have a bipolar attitude. I guess some people with mental disabilities deserve help, while others don't. Right Doug?

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Ron on October 04 at 11:50 a.m.
Homicidal maniac, that's a great new term for the super hype and fear spreading for basically all mentally ill. I have heard psychotic killer, insane killer, etc so much now. A new term to degrade mentally ill and cause unjust fear is refreshing. Fear sells and it works! Look what fear of “weapons of mass destruction” got done. Good work!

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westside on October 04 at 7:41 p.m.
I think these administrators should be locked up with the patients..they don't have a clue whats going on in real life. These high payed employees, $100,000 a year, they wouldn't last a week in private business…..the state is a haven for these people. The current recession is a blessing for state gov..chop, chop, chop heads. cut budgets etc…better the Eyman's refs!!

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Scoutster on October 04 at 10:07 p.m.
Doug, you can be amusing and sometimes even rattle the right cages, but you are way off on this.

These things don't happen in a vacuum. The choices people make in these programs are not simple and easy. And this system has been underfunded for YEARS.

I suggest you have a donut with Susan Dryfus. I'm as cynical as they come, but this is someone who really does want to change the system and culture.

Listen more, talk less.

And westside, I just have to ask you… Is it your analysis that if we CUT the mental health budget, you will be safer and the system will work better?

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philipgregory on October 05 at 9:44 a.m.
Good list 'mono', except you forgot #1 - DSHS Secretary Susan Dreyfus

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