October 11, 2009 in Opinion

Be patient with uncivil wars

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Calls for civility have been ignored. Time to bring in Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My problem is with a colleague on the City Council. While I was out of town, he and three other council members brought up rule changes that directly affect the way I perform as council president. I “attended” the meeting via telephone and told the Gang of Four that this isn’t a life-or-death issue that has to get on the agenda right away.

As for the ringleader, I told him: “You’ve lied to me. You’ve prevaricated, acted behind my back, stabbed me in the back.”

I told them all that upon my return, I will be bringing hell.

How should I handle this situation? – J.S. in Spokane

DEAR GENTLE READER: We wonder whether the alleged behavior (lying, prevaricating, back-stabbing, etc.) of this local Brutus is actually one incident that has fallen victim to hyperbolic redundancy. Furthermore, we question the wisdom of transporting further hell, since the current flames are licking at the reputation of the council and its gentle leader.

Perhaps, you should treat the balance of your out-of-town trip as a vacation, since, as you say, this is not life and death. A rested mind is a wiser mind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am mindful of the sage advice you dispensed in a recent column: “If someone is throwing up on you, you get out of the way. You do not stay around to examine what is coming up.” I was recently the victim of a colleague’s endless stream of vitriol over the telephone. Upon his return to town, he promises more hell.

You advised the kindly inquisitor to merely say, “I am sorry you feel that way” before turning his back. Just wanted to confirm this suggestion. – A.F. in Spokane

DEAR GENTLE READER: While your “sage” counselor enjoys strategic compliments, we still require contextual information. Normally, we’d stick to the above advice, but as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.”

We do not like being made the fool, so if passive-aggressive acts on your part triggered overt spewing on his part, then we’d advise an apology. If your colleague fails to reciprocate, then you may proceed to turn your back.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When America didn’t get the Olympics, they cheered. When an American president won the Nobel Peace Prize, they booed. I am at a loss in dealing with these “patriots.” Any ideas? – G.C. in Spokane

DEAR GENTLE READER: When confronted with boorish behavior, we take a moment to try to understand the perspective of the aggrieved.

First, the Conservative Political Action Conference conducted a straw poll three years ago on who would be the likely Democratic nominee. Sixty-four percent of attendees said Hillary Clinton. Mr. Obama didn’t rate a mention. On the Republican side, former Virginia Gov. George Allen led the poll, but then he stepped in “Macaca.” Second, the GOP’s own obscure candidate, Sarah Palin, didn’t achieve similar electoral success. (Given that choice, we are amused when we hear that President Obama hasn’t been properly vetted, but we digress.)

Suffice it to say that these have been disorienting times. All of the well-rehearsed Clinton attacks had to be jettisoned in favor of Obama attacks. Given the short amount of time to “read” his books, hunt for his birth certificate and circulate general falsehoods, one can understand the frustration. We trust that one day defeat can be accepted and these true-blue Americans will regain their equilibrium, but remember that good manners can mean putting up with bad manners.

Or, you could just turn off the radio.

Smart Bombs is written by Associate Editor Gary Crooks and appears Wednesdays and Sundays on the Opinion page. Crooks can be reached at garyc@spokesman.com or at (509) 459-5026.

One comment on this story so far. Add yours!

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  ChefGus/ John Olsen on October 12 at 10:50 a.m.

  Mr Crooks…. thank you for the lessons…. Ms Manners is always welcome in this increasingly uncivil world… There have been MANY complaints from average ( and not so average) citizens about the way the City Council treats us when we come, and wait often for hours for our three minutes at Open Forum.. to be “dissed” by having them NOT listen.. and later we are told they do not have to listen or pay attention… It IS time for change… but in the mean time a quote from your last paragraph seems appropriate :

  “these true-blue Americans will regain their equilibrium, but remember that good manners can mean putting up with bad manners.” We continue to put up with the bad manners of the likes of City Council and City Council Presidents…. perhaps we can just work against them in the next campaigns…

  MR Apple,
  Mr Allen
  Mr Corker
  President Shogan
  
  all of the above had been discourteous to ME personally on several different occasions… so there is a bit of the pot calling the kettle black in the current council kerfuffel… Dr John Olsen Spokane