Annie’s Mailbox: Ask husband to get a checkup

Dear Annie: My husband’s self-esteem is so low these days that he blames himself for everything. Last week, I was having hot flashes that kept me awake so I slept on the couch. My husband automatically assumed it was his snoring and said, “If I snore, wake me up and I’ll sleep downstairs.” Tonight at dinner, the chicken didn’t taste quite as good as usual, and he said, “I must have overcooked it on the grill.” It’s always his fault.

When he has a good idea, he phrases it as “we thought,” even though I had nothing to do with it. He has so little self-confidence it’s as if he is afraid to take ownership of his opinions. When he has free time, he mopes around or watches TV and allows me to do all the planning. He expresses no interest in anything, and it’s driving me crazy. Please help. – Lonely for My Old Partner

Dear Lonely: One reason a man can develop a lack of motivation is a drop in testosterone. Another is depression. Please insist your husband get a complete checkup and specifically ask the doctor to check his testosterone levels. If everything is OK, ask him to see a therapist to find out why he has lost interest in everything.

Dear Annie: Your response to “Contemplating Divorce in the Midwest” was right on. She’s been married 38 years to an emotionally abusive man who cheats on her.

I worked my butt off for 23 years trying to please my ex-husband. I worked two jobs and raised our kids. As the years passed, the verbal abuse and humiliation kept getting worse until finally I’d had enough.

A few weeks after I left, I ran into a neighbor. He told me he heard my ex yelling at our 16-year-old son that he hoped when he married, his wife would leave him, too. My son calmly replied, “I would never treat my wife the way you treated Mom.”

Leaving was hard, but it was one of the best things I could have done for my kids and myself. – Happy Ending

Dear Happy: Your son sounds like a smart, compassionate young man in spite of his father. You did a good job.