September 1, 2009 in City

Doug Clark: Where law meets disorder

By The Spokesman-Review
Related songs

Listen to Doug Clark’s Eddie Ray Hall parodies by clicking on the audio tab above.

Cpl. Clark will now address your cop, court and crime concerns.

Q: Hey, Cpl. Clark. Did you hear about the blue wristbands being offered to raise support and “out of pocket” expenses for Spokane police Officer Karl Thompson Jr.?

Cpl. Clark: I sure did. Thompson faces trial for his role in the beat-down arrest of poor Otto Zehm, who died following the encounter. But these are no ordinary wristbands.

Q:  Really?

Cpl. Clark: Oh, yes. Buy one for 10 bucks. Or get the Karl Thompson Zip Trip Zip Tie economy-pack for $49.95. That includes 12 bands and a bonus.

Q: What’s the bonus?

Cpl. Clark: A diagram on how your wristbands can be combined to hogtie an innocent mentally ill janitor in a convenience store.

Q: That’s cold, Cpl. Clark.

Cpl. Clark: Not as cold as what happened to Otto.

Q: That was one crazy story about Scott Q. Shupe, huh?

Cpl. Clark: The craziest. A state trooper found four pounds of pot and $18,000 in the Spokane medical marijuana seller’s station wagon during a routine traffic stop in central Oregon.

Q: What do you think Shupe said to the trooper?

Cpl. Clark: “Whoa. I’m in Oregon, man? Faaaarrr out. Like, I was just wondering where Hillyard went to.”

Q: What do you make of murderer Joseph Duncan being found competent to stand trial for the 1997 kidnapping and killing of a California boy?

Cpl. Clark: The only place Duncan should stand is on a high platform with his neck in a noose.

Q: You must’ve been happy to see your favorite felon make the front page the other day, huh?

Cpl. Clark: I always have a ball with Eddie Ray Hall.

Q: U.S. Attorney Jim McDevitt said this is the first time Eddie Ray has been “in federal sights.” What do you think he meant by that?

Cpl. Clark: That the feds have had their heads in a sand hole for the past 15 years.

Q: You’ve already recorded two parody songs about Eddie Ray. (You can hear them at www.spokes Will you be going for a third?

Cpl. Clark: Naw. There’s no need for me to do another Eddie song now that Tom Keefe has come up with one.

Q: Tom Keefe?

Cpl. Clark: Yeah. He’s a reader who sends me hilarious observations now and then. Last week Keefe e-mailed me a new Eddie Ray song based on that old Kingston Trio folk hit, “Tom Dooley.”

Q: Why don’t you close today’s column by letting us read his lyrics?

Cpl. Clark: That’s a splendid idea.

Hang down your head, Eddie Ray Hall.

Hang down your head and sigh.

Now that McDevitt’s got you,

You’re gonna go bye-bye.

No more climbing fences.

No more work release.

With you at Lompoc prison,

Spokane can get some peace.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at

Get stories like this in a free daily email

Please keep it civil. Don't post comments that are obscene, defamatory, threatening, off-topic, an infringement of copyright or an invasion of privacy. Read our forum standards and community guidelines.

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in here or click the comment box below for options.

comments powered by Disqus