Carolyn Hax: Marriage won with spouse’s support

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On being married to someone who’s married to a career: I was the wife with the killer career for the first few years of my marriage. My husband, bless his soul, stayed patient while I figured out it really wasn’t worth all the sacrifices.

We agreed on one simple rule: For every time I said “no” to my husband because of work, I’d say “no” to my boss because of my husband. Even though I stayed on my game professionally, my bosses noted that I had the gall (in their opinion) to assert myself for my marriage. It was a big law firm where all the partners, male and female, were on their second or third spouses.

I credit my husband for his patience and the support I needed to recognize that career advancement came at the cost of individual integrity. – Anonymous

On parents who chase their toddlers at the expense of adult conversation: Consider the fact that parents who watch their children to the detriment of an adult conversation are also protecting your house (or whomever’s space) from a degree of destruction, at worst, or a mess, at best. While their primary concern is the child’s safety, as it should be, I can’t imagine they aren’t also trying to mitigate the disorder their child leaves behind. I own a restaurant, and while most parents keep their parenting hat on while there, you would not believe how some simply decide their child is someone else’s (the restaurant staff’s?) responsibility once they walk in the door. While their parents dine and enjoy adult conversation, we have had children dumping tins of silverware on the floor, approaching strangers in a different room, running around shouting, and, in the one instance when I said something to the parent, playing a very loud game of hide-and-seek in the dining room. I have often wished that some parents would sacrifice their adult conversation to take care of their kids. And I have very much appreciated the ones who do. – A Third(?) Side to the Story