The Slice: A picture’s worth 1,000 insults

The Slice managed to secure an interview with the street person whose photo appears on the cover of The Inlander, purporting to be a picture of Spokane author Jess Walter.

You wouldn’t believe our exchange.

Q: How did you wind up in that photo?

A: I was at an EWU alumni function and someone asked me to stand in for this guy Walters. Offered me ten bucks.

Q: How old are you?

A: 61.

Q: Are you a substance abuser?

A: Oh, yes. For years.

Q: Have you ever met Jess Walter or read one of his novels?

A: What? No. All I really know about the guy is someone told me his wife is good-looking.

Q: Did the photographer give you any instructions?

A: Just said, “Look wasted.”

Q: So has anyone stopped you on the street since that weekly paper showed up in racks?

A: Yes, but not to discuss literary fiction.

Q: Are you high right now?

A: Not high enough.

Q: Has anyone suggested that you don’t really look like Jess Walter?

A: It’s an “art” photo. I don’t think you are supposed to view it as a literal representation.

Q: Well, what do you think your picture does, in fact, represent?

A: I think it says, “This is what working for a newspaper for years can do to you.”

Q: Have you heard anything about his new book?

A: I’ve heard it’s funny. And that his brother likes it.

Q: If you ever met the real Jess Walter, what would you say to him?

A: I’d ask if he could spare a few bucks. And I’d tell him I have an idea for his next novel.

Q: What’s the idea?

A: This Spokane guy wakes up one morning and discovers that he has turned into a marmot.

Today’s Slice question: Who has shaken the most hands in Spokane?