Annie’s Mailbox: Fiance not ready for commitment

MONDAY, SEPT. 28, 2009

Dear Annie: After being a widow for four years, I recently became engaged to “Dennis,” a wonderful man who lost his wife two years ago. They had been married 42 years.

Recently, Dennis and I had a big argument over his profile still being on several singles Web sites. He claims I’m being paranoid by asking him to remove it. He says all e-mails from these sites go into his spam file and he deletes them. If that’s true, how come his profile says “active within the last seven days”? He also told me he doesn’t know how to delete his profile.

My intuition tells me he is not ready for a commitment. I feel like a temporary stop until something better comes along. I do love this man, and he claims to love me. I have expressed my feelings on this matter several times, and he always turns the subject around. This is a matter of trust. Am I wrong? – Confused in Freedom

Dear Confused: No. It sounds as if Dennis is trying to pull the wool over your eyes to the fact that he is still out there looking. Call his bluff. Tell him if he is serious about a relationship with you, he must remove his profile from these sites within 24 hours. Then offer to delete his profile for him if he “doesn’t know how.” If he gives you a hard time, we urge you to call off the engagement. He’s not ready, and you will only be hurt.

Dear Readers: Today is Family Day (casafamilyday.org). Studies show that children who eat dinner with their parents have a reduced risk of substance abuse. Please try to make meals a family event.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net.

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