Annie’s Mailbox: Fixation on ex calls for therapist

Dear Annie: I’ve been divorced for five years. Immediately after the papers were signed, I met “Matthew.” We dated for a few months. The chemistry was perfect, but then he shocked me with an e-mail saying he didn’t have feelings for me.

Annie, this was two years ago, and I’m still depressed. I’m sure Matthew has no idea it still bothers me that we got along so well and now we don’t see each other anymore. However, we still e-mail once every few months or so, just to catch up.

I can’t seem to move on. What would make my life meaningful is a relationship with a guy just like him. But there is no one else in the world like him. The past two years have been like death. I wake up every morning thinking about how he doesn’t love me, and I go to bed every night knowing he’ll never be there for me. Can you give me any advice? – Just Me Alone in Texas

Dear Texas: You have given Matthew a tremendous amount of control over your life. There’s no way to know whether he was Mr. Right, but you have romanticized him into perfection and created an object of obsession. You have convinced yourself to pine away for someone who isn’t interested in you. Two years of being stuck in this rut means you will need professional help to get out. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist. And stop e-mailing Matthew. It’s only pouring salt on your wounds. You need to make a clean break.