April 15, 2010 in Features

If you’re unhappy, think separation

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I was married for 34 years and divorced two years ago. Within months, I married “Sam,” who I met through an Internet dating site. He treated me like I was all he cared about in this world.

Now I’ve discovered he drinks six to eight bottles of beer every evening. He also does not communicate with me at all, or uses profane and offensive language and says I’m an idiot. Sam told me he would provide for us in our old age with a pension and life insurance, but I’ve learned he has neither, and he tells me he can’t afford it. He is a totally different person from the man I fell in love with. I am hurt, lonely and scared.

Sam is 61 and retired. I am 55. I don’t expect him to be with me 24/7, but he’s never there at all. I am going through counseling alone. He won’t go because he says there is nothing wrong with him. When I try to talk to him, he starts an argument and then storms out. I am constantly walking on eggshells.

I am on disability, but a friend has made a tentative offer to take me in if I decide to leave. I have never lived on my own. I might add that I must have been blind. This man was married five times before me. He made me laugh all the time, and I never felt so happy. I was stupid. Any suggestions? – Scared

Dear Scared: You weren’t stupid. You were lonely and vulnerable. If you are unhappy and anxious being married to Sam, please consider a separation while you work with your counselor on becoming less dependent on others. You are still young enough to change the direction of your life and find a positive outcome.

Annie’s Snippet for Income Tax Day (credit Mark Twain): The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.

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