The Slice: From this angle, Uranus seems lacking

With Earth Day coming up on Thursday, it’s time again for The Slice’s annual ranking of the planets.

9. Neptune: Lost to Montana in the Big Sky Conference tournament.

8. Uranus: Has yet to produce an important novelist.

7. Pluto: Parking is insane.

6. Mercury: I don’t care if it is a dry heat. It’s still too hot.

5. Jupiter: Still reeling from housing market implosion.

4. Venus: Not one politician indicted in 2009.

3. Saturn: Nobody there would think of not picking up after their dogs.

2. Mars: They don’t try to fund everything with a high sales tax.

1. Earth: Still the best planet for children and woodpeckers.

I’ll explain later: But for now, please e-mail me a photo of you with your bike.

Sort of like when members of a certain older generation called all young musicians “Ringo”: The Slice heard about an elderly gentleman who refers to all male Spokane TV anchors as “Charles Rowe.”

Just wondering 1: How would things be different today if Elvis had made a movie set at Expo ’74?

Just wondering 2: Am I the only glasses-wearer who is basically OK with the status quo? You know, don’t want contacts. Don’t want laser surgery.

Recycling: Bonners Ferry piano teacher Claudia Thornton has a student who uses the newspaper as bedding for baby chicks.

Artist Larry Thomas uses it for papier-mâché projects.

Massage therapist Judi Calvert uses it as wrapping paper.

And several readers said they recycle the paper by passing it along to neighbors or relatives. A couple of them suspected that I would not approve. But they were wrong.

Once you buy it, it’s yours. Or yours and the baby chicks’, as the case may be.

Today’s Slice question: How many cowboy hats have you owned?