Staying home works for Spokane dad and family

When South Hill resident Brian Price hears that common question, “So, what do you do?” his answer is quick, confident and accompanied by a big smile. “I’m a stay-at-home dad.”

While still far from common, according to a U.S. Census Bureau press release, in 2009 there were approximately 158,000 stay-at-home dads.

Price said he doesn’t know many fathers who’ve opted to be the primary caregiver and it wasn’t an occupation in his original career plan. The former sales consultant said he loved traveling and promoting products.

When Price and his wife, Dotti, had twins in 2004, their lives naturally shifted but both were in jobs they enjoyed and life was working for them. But seven months later their daughter, Jenna, was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. That’s when life turned upside-down.

With one baby in the hospital and the other at home, and Price’s job taking him out of town frequently, the couple decided the status quo wasn’t going to work.

“It’s tough when your children get sick,” said Price. “It’s a trial on your marriage, finances, and work. You have to muster up all your faith to deal.”

After discussing everything from logistics and careers to finances and feelings, together the couple concluded Brian should quit his job to become the family’s primary caregiver while Dotti kept her vice president position at a regional bank.

The decision, he said, was the best option to meet their family’s needs. Watching their baby girl fight cancer and go through chemotherapy was agonizing, Price said. But now that Jenna is cancer free, he sees a silver lining. “It’s sad that happened, but putting my career on hold … it was a gift,” he said. “This is a fast-paced world and the children taught us they are the most important things in our lives, the center of our universe.”

Still, the transition was an adjustment. It meant less income and an identity shifting role reversal that is still outside social norms. Price said he laughs off the cliché that a stay-at-home dad is lazy and not providing for his family. For him, staying home is a way to provide.

“That doesn’t mean to say that my wife hasn’t had difficulty with this decision from time to time. Because she has. She always wanted to be a stay-home mom. … She’s the real hero,” Price said. “Today, despite our constant adjustments, my wife and I are very happily married. We attribute that to a lot of love and appreciation for each other, openness, good communication and faith.”

At first, Price said it was difficult for him to answer the question, “what do you do?”

“I had issues with identity,” he said. “I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t do anything.”

It took about three years before he developed his current ease with the role. “It has definitely been a growing experience. I’m still the same driven person,” he said, adding that a common issue is isolation. “One of the biggest problems is not driving yourself nuts and having more interaction with more adults.”

Price described how he can go for days without leaving the house other than to walk the kids to kindergarten. “As a stay-at-home parent …you don’t get out enough.”

One way Price offsets isolation is through a part-time, work-from-home job as a health and wellness independent distributor for XanGo. But even though he’s working again, when people ask what he does, his first response is to tell them the role he relishes, “stay-at-home dad.”

Frequently, he said, other dads are wistful and want to know how he went from the working world to caring for his kids.

“I know a lot of people who are jealous,” he said, adding that staying at home can look like an escape, similar to dreams of winning the lottery. “People aspire to be something other than what they are. People want what we have and often times don’t know how to get it.”

In fact, according to a 2007 CareerBuilder.com survey, “37 percent of working dads say they’d leave their jobs if their spouse or partner made enough money to support the family.”

For dads seriously contemplating the option and willing to sacrifice income and industry respect, Price advises they evaluate why they want to stay home. “Do it for the right reasons. Don’t do it because you hate your job or you chose the wrong career. Do it because it is the right thing for you, your wife and kids.”