Spokane7
50°
August 2, 2010 in Features
Annie’s Mailbox: Tell mom to stay away when drunk
Dear Annie: I love my mother, but not after 7 p.m., when she starts drinking. For 11 years, I have suffered through her alcoholic abuse and have been ravaged by the physical and emotional agony that come with it.
My family and I have done everything possible to tell her how much we care and want her to get help. She always replies with a wonderful speech about how she will change and make sure we all stay together and happy. But after about a week, she reverts to her old ways. My mother is a lovely person with a good heart, but she endured a lot of emotional pain in the past and likes to drown it out instead of dealing with it.
I recently married and am thankful to be away from the situation. I have just discovered that I am expecting my first child. You cannot imagine the sheer joy I feel, along with the complete horror of seeing my drunken mother wanting to be a part of my baby’s life.
I want Mom to be a loving, reliable grandmother, but so far, she has not been able to control herself. This has become a constant worry. I don’t want my child brought up around alcohol. How do I allow Mom to be near the baby when she cannot control her drinking? – Michigan Mom-to-Be
Dear Michigan: When Mom is drunk, she should not be around your child, and you should tell her so. Hopefully, access to the new grandchild will provide the incentive for her to finally get the help she needs. If you believe she is depressed and is self-medicating with alcohol, encourage her to discuss this with her doctor. Tell her you will make the appointment and go with her. If she truly wants to sober up, she will do this. In the meantime, please contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) at (888) 4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666), for family and friends of those with drinking problems.
E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net.
Horoscope 
Pat O'Leary on August 02 at 3:55 p.m.
Mom, please go to AA and see how great life can be without booze.
Shadowed_Raven on August 16 at 12:39 p.m.
Don’t let mom around the baby when she’s drunk. Tell her if she can’t lay off the sauce, then she doesn’t get to be around the baby. Don’t risk putting your child through what you had to go through just to please your mom.
I came out of an abusive family and swore never to bring my baby around it. My mom tried to pull me back into it so that ‘the baby could have her family’. Don’t buy into that! You have to be firm, and if you don’t think you can, ask your husband for help. It’s okay to tell them that you’re not comfortable bringing a child around an alcoholic.
You must love your mother, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking for help. But I’m telling you, putting your baby anywhere near that kind of situation is only going to hurt them. If she tries to launch into a speech about how it’ll change tell her words are cheap… and that she needs to prove it and keep on it. If she loves the baby as much as you will, she’ll make a sacrifice.