August 15, 2010 in Features

The Slice: How would you write the ending?

By The Spokesman-Review
 

A newspaper blogger in Maryland noted an absurdly cliché-embracing opening to a story about the death last week of a former senator.

The offending line: “Ted Stevens died Monday the way Alaskans die, in a plane crash in the wilds of the state he devoted his life to.”

That prompted the blogger to compose the opening to his own mock obituary: “John Early McIntyre died Wednesday the way Kentuckians die, in a recliner in front of the television, with a half-full glass of bourbon spilling to the floor as a rerun of ‘Law and Order’ continued unheeded.”

So how would an Inland Northwesterner die?

Follow-up to Saturday’s Slice: I finally heard back from someone at the syndicate that distributes the “Mutts” comic strip. Rose Croke assured me that Crabby the crab would return. “Your report about his early demise is premature,” she said.

Deep and tenacious: The roots put down by tiny maple tree seedlings are so amazing that I almost want to salute after pulling them out of the ground.

How to be a loser: Leave litter on the Bronzo the Brave statue downtown.

More evidence that the sexes are different: A group of local Vespa enthusiasts was sitting around a campfire and playing a spirited men vs. women round of Catch Phrase, a game that tests each team’s ability to identify names and phrases. The clues cannot include any of the words in the answer.

The men suspected it was not to be their night after one woman offered the clue “It’s something you put in your car to make it steer better” and that somehow prompted a female teammate to say the correct answer: “Transmission fluid.”

Said one fellow, “Every guy in the campsite burst into laughter and amazement at the successful exchange, while the gals just looked at us without realizing why it was so funny.”

Today’s Slice question: Which is the better pre-battle pep talk in a movie, Kenneth Branagh as Henry V or Kurt Russell as Herb Brooks?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. A story David Sedaris told at The Fox last spring just appeared in The New Yorker.

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