The Slice: An answer to a FAQ: Avoid LOL

MONDAY, DEC. 13, 2010

There is still time to send Christmas cards.

But some people aren’t sure what to say. They don’t feel that a simple signature is enough. And yet they don’t want to be verbose.

What to do?

That’s easy. Just check out The Slice’s answers to frequently asked questions. Then proceed with confidence.

Q: Should my message get into the whole police shootings thing?

A: That’s up to you.

Q: Should I suddenly pretend to be all religious?

A: No.

Q: Should I use a Christmas card as an occasion to weigh in on those around here who hoarded guns and ammo immediately after the last presidential election?

A: Probably not.

Q: Does “LOL” mean “Laugh out loud” or “Lots of love”?

A: Maybe just sign your name.

Q: How much should I rant about the college basketball season?

A: How about not at all.

Q: Should I allude to the recipient’s credit-card debt?

A: No.

Q: Would it be all right to say “I hope you don’t have to drink your own urine in 2011 like that guy in the movie about the trapped rock-climber”?

A: What do you think?

Q: If I am a belligerent bully without an ounce of sensitivity or compassion, is it phony to write “Peace”?

A: No. We can all aspire to be better.

Q: Is the Christmas card the right place to joke about the abysmal job of parenting the recipients did?

A: No, not really.

Q: Should I mention that the mayor looked pretty fetching in that picture on her college ID card?

A: Why would you do that?

Q: I’m planning to write “For the love of God, please stop being such a weenie about winter” on my cards. Thoughts?

A: As grace notes go, that leaves something to be desired.

Q: How about if I buy cards with a lot of seasonal text and then just say “I approved this message”?

A: Would you want to receive a card like that?

Q: Which stamps should I use?

A: I recommend the evergreens.

Today’s Slice question: Do you hate it when you realize your hair looks great and there’s no one else around?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Practically every actor who was in “The Wire” eventually shows up in “Lie to Me.”

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