You and wife can still find passion

Dear Annie: I am happily married to an amazing lady who has been my best friend since the day we met 25 years ago. Our kids are all away at college, and we love our empty nest. We keep physically fit, are in great health, are financially stable and have a satisfying social life. The only problem is in the bedroom.

Menopause hit about five years ago, and it has devastated our intimacy. We both visit our doctors regularly and have been to a counselor twice. Our doctors say everything is normal, and the counselor tried to give us some helpful advice, which my wife followed. She does her best to “be there” for me physically, and I do everything I can to be a great husband for her.

My question has to do with what the counselor told me. She said I need to accept the fact that at our age (48), and after 24 years of marriage, an exciting and fulfilling sex life was an unrealistic expectation.

Annie, I am having a hard time accepting this. While we are still intimate, it’s like making love to a mannequin. And after all these years of being faithful, it’s getting harder and harder to brush off the continuous opportunities to stray.

My wife and I have discussed this in detail. She can’t understand why I am not able to simply “turn off” my libido the way nature has turned off hers. Is the counselor right, or is there hope that our great marriage can become complete again? – Happy and Sad in Oklahoma

Dear Oklahoma: The counselor is wrong. Your sex life might not be what it once was, but there is no reason it cannot be fulfilling and satisfying and still include passion. We understand that menopause has taken a toll on your wife’s libido, but she needs to make the effort to work on intimacy because she loves you and values her marriage. Please see a different counselor who will work with both of you to improve those things you can, instead of encouraging you to give up.