Annie’s Mailbox: Make peace in neutral ways

Dear Annie: How do you deal with a married 40-year-old daughter with two children who is so jealous of her brothers that she causes family rifts? Right now, “Claire” isn’t speaking to her father, her brothers or me. We don’t understand it. We have always treated our children the same.

Claire was never like this until she married, and I’m not sure how to deal with it. Please help. – Sad Sue

Dear Sad Sue: Is Claire’s husband influencing her relationships negatively or encouraging a family rift? Some husbands (and wives) isolate their spouses from family members in an effort to control them. It’s also possible Claire has harbored ill will toward her brothers for years and finally let it out.

Make an effort to mend fences in a neutral way. Call, write or e-mail and say you’ve missed her. Ask how the grandchildren are. If she replies and gets upset, offer to go with her for family counseling to see if you can find a way to make her happier. If you approach it in a way that indicates her feelings are valid, she is more likely to respond. If she doesn’t answer your calls or messages, consider counseling for yourself. Having an estranged child can cause its own emotional problems.

Dear Annie: For several years, I stored a few of my belongings, including some collectibles, in my parents’ attic because I had a small apartment. I recently discovered that my mother often loaned pieces of my collection to other people’s children without asking my permission.

Am I off base to believe nothing of mine should have been touched without my permission? – Memphis Belle

Dear Memphis: If your parents bought these items for you, they may feel proprietary toward them and assume they can loan them out as they please. However, the collection of models belongs to you, and your mother should not have allowed them to be used by others without asking you. We trust all the loaned items have been returned and you have since removed your things from her attic.