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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Back off at the ATM

Judith Martin, United Feature Syndicate

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For 20-some years, I have been annoyed by the seemingly universal habit here of people standing cheek-to-jowl with the folks who are checking out ahead of them at retail stores.

I have actually been pushed and shoved by people behind me. Once a woman ran her shopping cart over my heels in her haste. I am youngish, and, I think, reasonably alert; it is not as if I am doddering over coupons or fumbling for my wallet.

Well, today when I was checking out, I found a man at my elbow. He was almost touching my left shoulder (like within half an inch) and in instinctive avoidance reaction, I found that I had had to move several inches away, which made using the ATM appliance awkward, as it was then several inches to my left. My temper boiled over. I told him that standing closer to the register wouldn’t hurry things along. I told him he was invading my space and that I didn’t want him standing that close.

Needless to say, we exchanged a few snippy remarks – he seemed incensed that I would take exception to his violation of my space.

I know that Miss Manners would coach me to say, “Excuse me sir, but I would appreciate your not attempting to stand so close – I am feeling quite uncomfortable with your proximity.” But what I want to know is, do you think I was out of line in even saying anything?

GENTLE READER: Just what did you accomplish by speaking out?

Did this person recognize his mistake, apologize and learn from it?

Yet such responses are often reported with pride, as if the result had been something other than turning an accidental annoyance into a nasty public scene.

It has not escaped Miss Manners’ notice that you give something of a prissy turn to what you imagine she would say. A simple “Excuse me, sir, could you please give me a little more room?” said pleasantly, would have done.

The important point is that in addition to being polite, it works. Attacked with accusations such as the evil sounding “invading space,” people always fight back. If given a face-saving way to retreat, they generally do. So your choice is not nasty or nothing.