Don’t surrender to mosquitoes

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most outdoor events during the summer are pretty informal – backyard cookouts, swim parties, and so on – and swatting at mosquitoes is part of the atmosphere. But what about formal events?

I know almost everyone at the swim parties I go to, and it’s not a problem to wave mosquitoes away or even try to swat them when they land (with permission, of course).

At a wedding, I only know people on one side of the aisle, and I have a faint worry that, much like unexpected personal noises, mosquitoes are to be totally ignored during formal occasions. Or one is only permitted a slight twitch in an attempt to dislodge any that land but not warn others of a mosquito in their vicinity.

GENTLE READER: You ask mosquitoes for permission before swatting them? And here Miss Manners thought she was considerate of others.

However, your killing technique may need some refining.

No doubt you and your friends have a merry time running about at swim parties and cookouts, wielding rolled up copies of the Economist, or whatever you use for mashing mosquitoes.

But there is something between that and surrendering to victim-hood. You don’t want to create commotion at a wedding to the point where the officiant looks up, thinking someone is objecting to what he is joining together.

But neither do you want to disrupt the reception by spilling your champagne everywhere as you rush to scratch an itch.

Barehanded murder is what Miss Manners recommends. If a mosquito lands on you, squash it. If it’s just flitting around in the air, hold your fire.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve kept close touch with an old classmate via e-mail and was made an honorary godfather of his daughter 26 years ago. I have never seen or spoken to her ever. This goddaughter had the audacity to e-mail me requesting if I could get her an iPhone, as she needs it at work and can’t afford it at this time.

I was planning to give her a nice gift this year, but it was nothing in the price range of an iPhone. Should I give in to her request or just ignore her request and give her something more affordable? How should I write her a letter that I can’t give her an iPhone without hurting her feelings?

GENTLE READER: Her feelings do not sound like what Miss Manners would call delicate.

As a godfather, you should show an interest in her, but you are also in a position to give her advice. You might write her a genial letter, asking about her job, whether she likes it, what her plans are for the future and so on. In it, you could advise her that if the telephone is truly essential to the performance of her job, she should ask her employer to supply it.

If you get a friendly letter back, you may be able to establish a relationship that would justify your continuing to send presents that you can afford. If not, the tie seems to have run its course.