Reality a matter of perspective
There’s a story, perhaps you’ve heard it, about a young, newly married bride who is cooking Christmas dinner for the first time.
She calls her mother to ask for advice in cooking the ham. The mother tells her the first thing she always does in preparing it is to cut the ends off.
Curious, the young bride asks her mother why she does this. The mother responds, “That’s the way my mother always did it.”
The bride then asks her grandmother, who answers, “Well, my pan was smaller than the ham, so I cut the ends off so it would fit the pan.”
Many of us, in the course of our lives, inherit and embrace the spiritual beliefs of our parents. We accept them, they fit us, and our family and friends unify us in our religious world. The satisfaction, peace and meaning that brings adds great depth and joy to our lives.
Whole communities and even cultures evolve around these commonly held beliefs. This brings cohesiveness to our lives, a matrix to build on.
We’ve all tossed around the phrase “a clean slate” when talking about a newborn baby, and wonder in awe at the potential it suggests.
This is quite literally true neurologically. We watch with breathtaking interest as our baby smiles, looks us in the eye, sees fingers and chews toes, or throws a toy for the first time.
We chide ourselves when a word pops out of their mouth that we said once in their presence. We laugh when they dance to the music we listen to, or put on our shoes.
What we don’t notice as much is how fully they absorb our attitudes, opinions, interpersonal relationships or even our culture. We inwardly congratulate ourselves when they repeat our beliefs back to us.
As we grow from infants to adults, it’s the nature of our brains to form a continuous feedback of our thoughts. We go over and over what we believe. We read what supports and reinforces what we believe to be true. We disengage from others who don’t support what we increasingly accept as truth.
This is all well and good for a healthy family, which forms a healthy society. But throughout history, how many millions of people have died because their language isn’t someone else’s language, or their traditions were different?
The deadliness of the clash in different beliefs happens because of the unachievable desire of one culture to fundamentally change the core beliefs of another.
Dr. Andrew Newburg, a neuroscientist, has extensively studied the brain in pursuit of our seemingly universal quest for God.
Using modern imaging techniques, he mapped activity in the brains of long-term meditators, including contemplative nuns and Buddhist monks. He found a loop of activity between the thalamus and the frontal cortex in meditative and prayerful states.
In short, he discovered that what we continuously think about and affirm becomes more and more real to us.
Please think about this. It means that my reality is not your reality.
No wonder we get into vein-popping discussions about religion and politics! My beliefs are valid, therefore your beliefs cannot be valid.
What if we all understood this? What if we could accept that what satisfies you spiritually might be different than what satisfies me spiritually?
As long as we can peacefully co-exist, it doesn’t matter. If your faith brings peace, purpose and satisfaction to your life, it’s the best one for you.
At least, that’s my belief.
No matter how educated, intellectual or well-read we are, I would suggest that whatever we do believe is probably not entirely accurate. We are human, after all. Shouldn’t we give some leeway to the limitations of our own brains?
I saw a bumper sticker recently that said, “Reality, it’s not what you think.” May I gently encourage us all to consider this.